Yes, I am a mother.  And no, I have not paid Social Security in several years.  But I am NOT a stay-at-home mom.  For one thing, it sounds less like a job title than a command you might give a dog.  "Stay at home, mom.  Stay.  Good mom."  Also, it sounds like I'm under house arrest.  A usually-accurate assessment of the situation, to be sure, but there's no need to rub my nose in it.  Plus, it just sounds stupid.  Call me a linguistic snob, but if God had wanted me to abuse my mother tongue in this fashion, he would have made me German.

I've tried on the other monikers.  "Homemaker" is just too much Your Mother's Euphimism.  I feel a bit dishonest using it, like I'm giving people the impression that I spend my days baking fresh bread and making my own pot pourri.  "Domestic engineer" smacks of resume-padding–technically true, but…come on, who are we trying to kid?

Until someone comes up with the perfect word for my job–and we may have to borrow from the French or Swahili or do one of those loan translation things–I am going to stick with "housewife."  It's a grown-up word that makes people uncomfortable, but I plan to reclaim it just as those Vagina Monologuists have attempted to reclaim vulgar slang words historically used to denigrate women and their bodies.  I think I am already more successful than they.  And I think this is the very last time I will use the word "vagina" in this blog.