So today marks the first day of TV Turn-off Week, and my children’s school is again pressuring us to observe this period of Lent by sending home their little slips of paper whereupon we should mark the days our child(ren) do not watch television and which we mustn’t forget to turn in to the school at the end of the week so that…actually, I forget why we need to turn it back in.  There might be some kind of certificate involved.  Whatever.  It isn’t that I disdain the worthy goal of watching less (or no) television.  I think television is a cesspool.  It’s degraded our culture and our public discourse.  All people, including myself, should watch less television, except for those people who are already watching no television.  They should continue to watch the same amount of television, i..e. none, because it’s impossible to watch less than none.  Unless twenty minutes of vigorous aerobic activity counts as less than none, in which case they should do that, too.  Unless they have a physical impairment that prevents them from engaging in aerobic activity, in which case they should read a book or switch to diet soda or something.  I don’t care.

Obviously, TV Turn-off Week is not mandatory.  It’s merely a suggestion, coming from the the folks at the Center for Screen-Time Awareness–an enthusiastic, guilt-inducing suggestion, sure, but you know me, I have no problem with guilt trips, even when they’re laid on thick, even when they’re laid on me.  Guilt is a powerful motivator.  (Also underrated:  Fear of Hellfire.)  I don’t think certificates do much of anything, but I guess I’m not opposed to those, either–except all that paperwork does have an environmental impact, so never mind.  Screw certificates!  This is what bugs me–and I admit that it’s pretty lame, as irritants go, but here it is anyway:

It’s all well and good for the school to throw its support behind TV Turn-off Week, but I wish there were more to it than merely not participating in one particular activity (make that “activity”).  It’s always good to abstain from TV, but I don’t know that it does much good to make a big deal out of abstaining from TV unless you take note of how the abstinence affects how you live.  I’d prefer it if they asked kids to write down what they do with their time during a typical week, then ask them to do it again during TV Turn-off Week (when, theoretically, they would not be watching any–or as much–TV).  That would make it seem like more of a learning experience rather than just another deprivation.  As it is, I’m somewhat annoyed by the “rules” of the game (according to the literature our school gave us).  Nothing on a television set is kosher, be it broadcast or videotape/DVD or whatever.  Movies watched in a movie theater are okay, though–not because big-screen-movie-watching is any less passive than little-screen-movie-watching, but because this is TV Turn-off Week, not Movie Theater Avoidance Week.  As for video games and recreational computer usage goes, “Ask your parents.”  Oh, you bet they will.

So my son already hates this idea, which is funny because he doesn’t watch that much television in the first place.  Just telling him he can’t do something, though, makes him want to do it more.  Then there’s Elvis, who, while he’s certainly cut down on his Monsters, Inc. habit, still has to watch some little-screen entertainment during the day or I will go freaking nuts.  (He doesn’t play video games or use computers recreationally, and taking him to a movie theater would be Missing The Point Entirely.)  To be sure, his Non-TV-Watching Activity Log would be sport lots of interesting pastimes, most of them involving sharp objects, sticky food substances, and that giant mudhole in the backyard–but as the responsible adult in the house, I take the liberty of deciding when his dance card is full, if you catch my meaning.

Anyway, I think TV Turn-off Week is more properly observed during May sweeps.  People who turn their TV’s off in April are wusses!

But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments,–Matthew 23:5

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