Today everyone is of the opinion that Mom Is An Incompetent Jerk.  This morning I spent 20 minutes arguing with Mister Bubby over whether or not he was going to school, whether the reason he was not going was that he was tired or he was sick or the work was too hard or it was too boring or his friend only wanted to play ball at recess, whether the reason he was going was that I didn’t believe he was sick or that I had a meeting to go to or that I just didn’t care about his problems.  Actually, in retrospect it’s amazing that only took 20 minutes. 

Then as we were rushing out the door to catch the bus, Elvis wanted to come with us, but we either opened the door wrong or walked out wrong or did some other thing in exiting the building that offended him, so he started screaming and wouldn’t come with us.  Then he started screaming louder when we went without him.  If our neighbors hadn’t met us yet, they certainly have now.

When I got back Princess Zurg had finally gotten dressed and grudgingly allowed me to serve her breakfast.  Then her bus showed up three minutes early (hey, every minute counts), and I discovered that she had not so much as put on her socks, let alone her shoes.  I’m sure it took her a full three minutes to a) find her socks, which I’d laid out for her along with her other clothes, because I am an enabler that way, and b) put on her shoes, and c) stop yelling about what a terrible day it was going to be and get on the bus already, with her hair quite obviously uncombed.

Then the baby was awake (surprise), and she was mad at me for taking so long to get her out of the crib and also because I elected to cut strawberries for Elvis instead of nursing her immediately, since she doesn’t understand that I can’t possibly nurse her with Elvis screaming his head off for strawberries and throwing bowls and possibly knives at me (and therefore us).

Yesterday Sugar Daddy woke everyone up before he left for work, and everyone was dressed and ready to go to school with twenty minutes to spare.  See, when Dad is the Jerk, he is a Competent Jerk.  I should just have him wake everyone up at 6:30 every morning. 

Now my babysitter is here and wants to make small talk about my rental furniture.  Excuse me, but I must go and explain which items are rented and which we brought over from the other house, and then I have a meeting to go to. 

EDIT:  I always enjoy seeing the various banner ads that pop up on my Xanga site.  Whenever I blog about Mormons, I get ads for Mormon Ringtones and sites for meeting Hot LDS Singles.  Today’s entry has brought me ads for child and family counseling and “underwear for traveling.”  I’m not sure I understand that last one, but…okay.

Does this blog make you want to buy new underwear?