Literature meme, part the first

I got this from Tawnya.  I’m going to do it in several parts because I’m taking too long to finish it.  And it will be easier for you to digest that way.

1. What author do you own the most books by?
Probably Toni Morrison, which is funny because I have a sort of love-hate relationship with Toni Morrison. I got a really good deal on six of her books at once, though, so…that’s probably the main reason I ended up reading as much Toni Morrison as I have.

2. What book do you own the most copies of?
It used to be To Kill a Mockingbird. I think at one point we owned three copies of that book, but we got rid of at least one. I own duplicates of several books. I have the complete works of James Joyce–which I have not read–in this cute little green box that my husband brought home from Ireland several years ago, but I also have the Penguin paperback of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man that I read in college, and it has all my notes in it, so I’m not going to throw away either of those. I also have a paperback copy of Ulysses (that I started and never finished) that Joyce-in-the-Box has rendered redundant, but I’m not going to get rid of it because I keep thinking I’m actually going to read Ulysses, but which version will I want to read–the cute, itty-bitty green one that comes in three cute, itty-bitty volumes, or the big fat paperback with slightly larger print? Probably when I get really serious about reading Ulysses I will buy it on Kindle. And then I will own three copies of Ulysses that I’ve never read.

3. Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
Not at all. I’m notoriously unfussy about ending sentences with prepositions. I considered saying, “Ending sentences with prepositions is something I’m notoriously unfussy about,” but not only is that an awkwardly-constructed sentence but it also was just too cute. And too easy.

4. What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
I should probably be all highbrow and say Mr. Darcy or something, but I think I might be in love with Special Agent Will Trent in Karin Slaughter’s books. I’m not sure what it says about me. That I have a thing for emotionally damaged law-enforcement officers? I don’t think that’s true in real life. But he’s the only character I can think of right now that I could use the L-word with. (I did have kind of a thing for Hotspur in Henry IV Part One, back in the day. But I’m pretty much over it now.)

5. What book have you read the most times in your life (excluding picture books read to children, i.e. Goodnight Moon does not count)?
Little Women, hands down. But I’ve read Gone with the Wind a fair number of times, too.

6. What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
Little Women. Still is.

7. What is the worst book you’ve read in the past year?
Technically, the worst is this 99cent book I got for my Kindle. It started off promising, but went downhill around chapter…three? Seriously, it was like she hired an editor only for the chapters that would be downloaded for a free sample and wrote most of the rest of the book in an all-nighter right before the deadline. It was ghastly. Appallingly amateurish. And for that reason, I feel like it shouldn’t really count. I’m not even going to tell you the name of the book because a) I don’t remember offhand and b) I feel sorry for the author, who is probably just a frustrated housewife trying to live her dream and anyway, what did I expect for 99 cents, Little Women? (Of course, on Kindle Little Women would have been free.)

So instead I will tell you about the worst “real” book I’ve read this year, which is Rick Moody’s The Ice Storm. I feel free to judge Rick Moody more harshly because Rick Moody can actually write and a lot of people apparently think The Ice Storm is a good book, but I pretty much hated it, and I’ll tell you why. The book is not about sex, but sex is a metaphor for…I guess everything. The characters all think about sex, all the time. Everything is sex. Sex is everything. Trust me, mes enfants, I have nothing against reading books with sex in them, even books with a lot of sex in them. I’ve read some pretty sick crap in my life, too. Read it and not batted an eyelid (except maybe to note, casually, “That was sure some sick crap”). With The Ice Storm, all the sex stuff was initially…provocative (I’m trying not to say “titillating,” because “titillating” makes me feel like giggling), but after a while it just got boring and then it just got annoying. And then it just made me want to scream, “What kind of pervy bastard is this cat???” Not because any of it was particularly beyond the pale–mostly garden-variety sex acts, if you’re really curious–but because it was just. seriously. too. much. And in the end I didn’t really get the point. Fortunately, I borrowed that book from the library, for free.

8. If you could force everyone to read one book, what would it be?
Probably Life of Pi. Because that book is freaking awesome.

9. Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for Literature?
I don’t know. I don’t pay attention to this stuff. I’m not particularly up on all the big literary big shots. Also, I kind of think these prizes are stupid (although the money that comes with them is not stupid). I like Kazuo Ishiguro. He should probably win a prize.

10. What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
Most of the books I would like to see made into movies have already been made into movies. Bad ones. I used to say I wanted to see Atlas Shrugged made into a TV miniseries, but now someone’s gone and made it into movies (or started to). I’d still like to see a better version of The Fountainhead, but that isn’t apt to ever happen. (Did it bother you that I split that infinitive?) When I read Left Behind, I found it reasonably cheesy but also thought it would make a pretty awesome movie. Unfortunately, the movie is terrible. Really not at all good. Probably because it was made on a shoestring by Kirk Cameron. But I still imagine what a big-budget Hollywood director could do with that story and think that would be so badass.

11. What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
I don’t know. Probably The Book of Mormon. Oh no, they already did it!

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To be continued