I still don’t have anything to say about the election, but again, I’m pretty desperate for titles these days. Soon you’re just going to start ignoring my titles altogether.

Maybe I should say something about the election. I just don’t know what it would be. I was feeling kind of down, so I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. That usually helps. But then I ate potato chips until I was sick, so I was right back where I started. I seem to be making a lot of poor choices lately. Not unlike some Americans I know. Hey, I’m totally kidding! Just lighten up, geez. Okay, you’re right. I wasn’t kidding, I was totally serious and just trying to pass it off as a joke so no one would know how much I’m really hurting inside. Ouch.

Okay, that “ouch” wasn’t actually sincere. My stomach doesn’t even hurt anymore from eating all those potato chips.

Tomorrow we’re going to have Mister Bubby’s belated birthday party, and since we just had a lame ice cream cake from the Safeway on his actual birthday, I kind of owe him a real birthday cake still. So this is good. Now that the election’s over, Oven Mitt Romney and I would like to focus on our baking.

On the Facebook this morning, a friend posted this article (well, not really an article, more like an op-ed or a thingy) by William Saletan telling Republicans to cheer up because Pres. Obama is actually a moderate Republican. I’ve heard this argument a lot of times, and it definitely has its merits. The only problem I have with it is that it effectively erases the Democratic party from the last hundred years of U.S. history. I mean, if Pres. Obama is actually a Republican because he’s done some stuff that Republicans have done, then Bill Clinton must have been a Republican because he cut the capital gains tax and signed welfare reform into law; Jimmy Carter was a Republican because he imposed economic sanctions against Iran; Lyndon Johnson was a Republican because he sent a lot of people to die in a foreign war; JFK was certainly a Republican because he dramatically cut income tax rates and was against communism; FDR was a Republican because he spent a lot of money on a war and created a new government entitlement program for seniors (just like George W. Bush, who in so many ways was Barack Obama’s political mentor); Harry Truman sent troops into a country on the other side of the world just because its neighbors invaded it, plus he had already dropped two atomic bombs on another country, which seems like a very Republicany thing to do, so I guess that makes him ours too. That leaves us with Woodrow Wilson. What sort of Republican things did Woodrow Wilson do? Well, he was kind of a racist. But by Saletan’s context-free logic, that would make him a pretty solid Democrat (since they were the party that opposed freeing the slaves and giving them the right to vote). So, great. I didn’t particularly want to own Woodrow Wilson, and now all the racists in the Republican party are effectively Democrats, since the true nature of a political party doesn’t ever change or evolve.

I do feel better now. Maybe it was the potato chips.

 

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