So I had some goals last week. The first goal was to get my eyebrow(s) waxed. That was my #1 priority. It didn’t happen. I started out all gung ho–it was Monday, I’d set a goal, and I called the salon to make an appointment…but the salon was closed on Monday. So I had to wait until Tuesday to call. Did I call again on Tuesday? No, because I didn’t think about it. I was thinking about other stuff, like finishing The Count of Monte Cristo by Wednesday evening.

That was another of my goals. Did I finish The Count of Monte Cristo? Yes, I did. Did I do it by Wednesday evening, in time for my book club? Weeeeeeellll…mostly. I mean, I’d read 96% of it, meaning I was only shy, what 40 pages or so. I was fifteen minutes late for book club because I lost track of time while frantically trying to finish it, but I’d say I got the flavor of it. And I came home afterward and finished it 100%. It’s a very good book. You know, I saw the movie–the one with Richard Chamberlain–a million years ago, and I remembered it having kind of a sad ending. The book doesn’t really have a sad ending, so I don’t know where I got that memory from. Anyway, it’s a great book, all 14,000 pages of it. Now I’m reading trash to cleanse the literary palate, as it were.

What else did I resolve to do last week? I was supposed to do twelve loads of laundry. I think I only did four. I was supposed to dye my roots. I did that! Of course, I left the color on a little too long and now my hair is unnaturally red in the places it is naturally gray, but that will sort itself out in a couple weeks.

So that was two out of four goals. If I count the four loads of laundry, that’s 2.3/4–not too shabby. If I gave myself extra points for dying the living crap out of my roots, I could even call it 3/4. That doesn’t make particular sense, but now we’re talking numbers, not reality, so sense doesn’t really matter.

I might be a little bit tired. I stayed up late last night reading a novel, but I didn’t finish it. It was just getting too late. I hate when I stay up late to read a novel and I don’t even finish it. What was the point of staying up late, except not to go to sleep? I guess that’s a worthy pursuit, staying awake amusing oneself, but it doesn’t feel that way in the morning. If I were smart, I’d go to bed now instead of staying awake blogging (or trying to blog), but I think we’ve established that I’m not very smart.

I had some goals for today: 1) Reschedule a doctor appointment for Princess Zurg. 2) Find a babysitter for Girlfriend for tomorrow afternoon. 3) Call the salon about my eyebrow(s). I set goal #3 before remembering that the salon is closed on Mondays. But then I remembered that I also needed to reschedule a dental appointment for PZ, so I swapped out salon for dentist and I accomplished all three goals. But then I realized that the date I rescheduled the dental appointment for was no good either, so I will have to do that one over again tomorrow. Tomorrow I will also have to call the orthodontist to schedule appointments, as well as the salon. Also, as long as I’m making phone calls, I may as well call the martial arts academy about the ten lessons we won for Elvis back in June 2012, since they haven’t called me back yet from the last time I called. I think three weeks is a reasonable amount of time to wait before hassling them again, don’t you? It has only been three weeks, right? Not a month yet, surely? Time flies when you’re putting crap off.

This is apropos nothing, but you know what really bothers me? When people watch a TV show and then post what happened in that particular episode on the Facebook, as though a) anyone gives a crap what you just watched on the TV and b) no one else might have been waiting to watch it for themselves. I’M TALKING TO YOU, PEOPLE WHO WATCH DOWNTON ABBEY AT 9PM SUNDAY AND GIVE AWAY THE PLOT ON FACEBOOK AT 10PM OR SOMETIMES EVEN 9:40 BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN’T WAIT TO RUIN IT FOR ME. Yeah, I know Downton Abbey sucks this season, but I’M STILL GOING TO WATCH IT JUST NOT AT 9PM ON SUNDAY SO STOP POSTING ABOUT IT.

I get very annoyed with my Facebook friends sometimes. Spew your childish political rants all you like, but STOP SPOILING MY STORIES.

You know it’s late and I’m tired because I’m yelling a lot. Getting capsy on you.

Not writing complete sentences.

You know what my other goal for tomorrow is? Tidying the house for the housekeepers. Can I do that and make all those phone calls? I may have to cut out the one to the martial arts academy. I mean, considering that I also have to wash a lot of towels. I’m only one person!

My goal for Wednesday is not to forget to pick Princess Zurg up early from school for her doctor appointment, like I did the last time she had a doctor appointment on housekeeper day.

My goal for Thursday is…I don’t have a goal for Thursday yet. Probably more laundry.

Oh, crap. I forgot I also have to make dinner this week. Like, every night. How will I manage??? Feel free to leave some recipes in the comments section.