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This is disappointing.
You Are a Dash |
 Your life is fast paced and varied. You are realistic, down to earth, and very honest. You’re often busy doing something interesting, and what you do changes quickly.You have many facets to your personality, and you connect them together well. You have a ton of interests. While some of them are a bit offbeat, they all tie together well. You friends rely on you to bring novelty and excitement to their lives. You excel in: Anything to do with money You get along best with: the Exclamation Point |
If you’d asked me, I would have said parantheses. I still say parantheses. “Dash.” Psh. Whatever.
Ordinarily I listen to talk radio in the morning because I’m old and don’t understand the music kids are into these days, but this morning I happened along one of those morning-zoo type shows on the FM dial, and the guy was talking about this man he met who didn’t know how to tie his shoes–grown man, neurotypical, not disabled, could not tie his shoes. I have often worried that my children might grow up to be a version of this man, but that’s another story. Anyway, the radio guy was having people call in and finish the sentence, “I hate to admit it, but I can’t ______.”
I couldn’t listen to much of the show before they started playing that music I can’t make heads or tails of, so I thought I’d play this game on my blog instead. Because after the last couple of posts I’ve done, I feel that you folks are willing to follow me anywhere.
I’ll begin. I hate to admit it (well, not really, because I have no pride, but for the sake of appearances I will hate it), but I can’t do the following:
- Whistle–unless a teapot sound through my teeth counts
- Drive a stick shift–I’m sure I’ve blogged on this before, so I won’t bore you with the details. (Do me the favor of not boring me with instructions on how to drive a stick. I CAN’T.)
- Do anything with my car other than drive it (and in many cases, park it). When I owned my car Fred, he had a lot of problems, and I learned how to do several basic survival-type things on that car–you know, like check the oil and the radiator and the battery and the whatnot–but he’s been gone ten years, and probably if you asked me to check the oil on another 260Z, I would not remember how it was accomplished. That part of the brain has been pruned. This is the curse of owning a reliable car. When I go to have the oil changed, I have to think about how to open the hood. Very embarrassing. (Heck, after nearly eight years in Oregon, I can hardly remember which side of the car the gas tank is on.)
**Note to anyone with a Ph.D. who still can’t tell the difference between lights and darks: Shut it. When was the last time you balanced the checkbook?** - Burp. Not only can I not burp on purpose, but I can’t really burp at all. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve managed to accidentally burp in my lifetime, and believe me, I understand the appeal, but it’s just not part of my makeup.
I know there’s more to this list, but I don’t have time right now. I’m busy. You’re lucky I blog at all! (Well, maybe after the last couple days, you don’t feel so lucky.) Anyway, it’s your turn. Finish the sentence.
I hate to admit it, but I can’t ________.
What do you think the ugliest popular fashion in your lifetime was/is?
submitted by Vininia
submitted by Vininia
Wow, this is a toughie, given that I’ve been alive for almost 37 years. I’m going to go the old fuddy-duddy route, though, and say, “Underwear peeking over the waistline.”
Do you bottle up anger, or do you let it out, and how?
submitted by bobbyssn
submitted by bobbyssn
I bottle it up, then I let it out. You get bigger explosions that way.
What one or two lines of a song would you call the best lyrics ever written?
submitted by Through_Death_I_Live
submitted by Through_Death_I_Live
“We alone are fighting for metal that is true.”–Manowar, “Warriors of the World”
Would you eat meat from cloned animals?
submitted by Take0ver
Hell, yes. Unless it was cloned sushi.
Does the weather affect your mood? What are your strategies for coping?
submitted by kafekotka
submitted by kafekotka
The weather does affect my mood. I don’t like when it’s cold. I don’t like when it’s hot. I like it to be 74 degrees Farenheit at all times. Also, I don’t like an overcast sky. That depresses me. I have no strategies for coping. I’m just always in a bad mood.
Would you donate your remains to science?
submitted by black_lie
submitted by black_lie
No. Those cats are sick *******.
Do you think allowing a child to become obese can be considered abuse?
submitted by phoenixlives
submitted by phoenixlives
I suspect that one does not “allow” a child to become obese. One either supports the habits that lead to obesity, or one has no control over the weight gain that leads to the obesity. The former could be considered a form of abuse (depending on the circumstances); the latter can’t.
Do you celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? How?
submitted by newyorkcompany
submitted by newyorkcompany
I celebrate MLK Day the same way most of America does. I thank the government for the day off and complain about the kids being out of school. Last year we made cupcakes, but this year we didn’t do much of anything. I think people may have been sick.
If you could write a letter to your past self (say, 10 years ago), what would you tell yourself?
submitted by LuCkyLiNdZy
submitted by LuCkyLiNdZy
Dear Self,
You think this is bad, just wait until the kids get here. Kidding! Seriously, though, stop whining. It’ll be over before you know it. Kidding again! Actually, it will seem to last forever, but in reality it won’t last forever. That’s the truth.
Love, Madhousewife
What’s your form of therapy?
submitted by flipnautick
submitted by flipnautick
Blogging.
What is the one thing that you’ll never do in life? Why?
submitted by pobbs
submitted by pobbs
Succeed. [Breaks into choking sobs]
Would you confront your best friend who talked about you behind your back ?
submitted by Abstraxcity
submitted by Abstraxcity
No. I would just talk about her behind her back. For real, I’ve done this, so I know that’s how it would go down. I never said I was proud. I’m just being honest.
Do you believe that sex offenders can change?
submitted by theyre_lying_to_u
submitted by theyre_lying_to_u
No.
What is the worst movie you have ever watched and why?
submitted by phil_leafman
submitted by phil_leafman
It is a cross between Godzilla (the 1999 version with Matthew Broderick) and Van Helsing. I didn’t make it through all of Van Helsing, though, so I’m going to have to go with Godzilla, because I lost more of my life to it. Why did I watch it? That’s the eternal question.
How do you deal with stage fright?
submitted by tenorikuma13
submitted by tenorikuma13
Suck it up and go on.
After years of marriage (or of a relationship), how do you keep the flames alive?
submitted by SuccessfullyRelate
submitted by SuccessfullyRelate
Spend time together. Also, realize that you’re too lazy to start another fire, so you better keep this one going at all costs.
What do you think is the most useful thing invented in the past 200 years?
submitted by midnight_muze
submitted by midnight_muze
Flush toilets. Not that it matters, in our house.
Do you think it’s possible to love an animal as much as a family member?
submitted by Kyotobaby
submitted by Kyotobaby
Definitely. I just think it’s a little sad when that happens.
What are five random facts about you?
submitted by TakingxOverxMe
submitted by TakingxOverxMe
1. I’m allergic to bees. 2. I can’t drive a stick shift. 3. I was the only adult member of my family who didn’t vote for Perot in 1992. 4. I’ve never seen an episode of Survivor. 5. I’ve never traveled outside the continental United States. I think I’ve admitted all these things before, except maybe the bee thing. ‘Twould appear there isn’t all that much to know about me.
What is your opinion on teenage pregnancies?
submitted by ehnvied
submitted by ehnvied
Believe it or not, I don’t think much about teenage pregnancies. I have stronger opinions about what happens after the babies are born. It’s a huge responsibility. Some teenagers rise to the occasion, and some adults blow it like nobody’s business.
What is the best thing to do when you like someone but he or she likes someone else?
submitted by StuckWithLove
submitted by StuckWithLove
Suck it up and go on.
When you play Pat-a-Cake (you know, with the Baker’s Man), do you pat it and then roll it, or roll it and then pat it? Do you ever mark said patted-cake with anything other than a ‘B’?
Do you think the last line of “Rock-a-Bye Baby” is too violent? Would you approve a change such as “Mommy will catch you, cradle and all”?
“Ring-around-the-Rosie”: Morbid or just good, clean fun?
Is Humpty Dumpty really, necessarily, an egg?
In “Pop! Goes the Weasel” is it “a penny for a spool of thread, a penny for a needle” or “a penny for a spool of thread, a penny for an easel”? If the latter, what the h*** does a cobbler want an easel for? Or is the monkey chasing the weasel around the mulberry bush, rendering the cobbler irrelevant?
“Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes”: Offensive to the differently-appendaged, or just good, clean fun?
Is the spider itsy-bitsy or eensy-weensy?
In “Baa Baa Black Sheep” do you give a bag of wool to everyone, or do you give the little boy who lives down the lane the shaft?
When you see London, France and eventually someone’s underpants, are they pink/white/filled-with-dynamite or pink/blue/filled-with-doggy-doo?
“The Farmer in the Dell”: Mean to the Cheese, or just good, clean fun?
In “Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo” what do you catch by the toe? And when it comes to the very best one, are you It or Not It?
When you ask someone to look up, look down, do you then have him look at your thumb because he’s dumb, or look at your pinky because he’s stinky?
What does it mean to “sleep tight”? Does it have anything to do with waking up hung over?
“C” is for Cookie. Is that good enough for you?
Are you familiar with the phrase “no cuts, no buts, no coconuts”? How about “off my case, potato face”?
What do you think is in Old King Cole’s bowl?
If four-and-twenty blackbirds were “baked” in a pie, how would they manage to sing?
“On Top of Spaghetti”: Unhygienic, or just good, clean (figuratively speaking) fun?
While the wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round, do the mommies on the bus go “sh-sh-sh,” or do both mommies and daddies do the “sh”-ing?
People are always asking the whereabouts of Thumbkin, Pointer, Ringman, and Small Man, but nobody ever wants to know where Middle Man is. Could this be the origin of the phrase “eliminate the middle man”?
Does Popeye the Sailor Man like to go swimmin’ with bare-naked women, or does he merely eat worms and spit out the germs? Does he or does he not live in a garbage can?
How does one mistake a feather for macaroni?
I know you are, but what am I?
Tag: Childish and annoying, or just good, clean fun?
Madhousewife misunderstands candy bar wrappers
Madhousewife: You know, I looked at this at first and thought, “Where did this Snickers come from? It says sat-is-fee-ays.”
Sugar Daddy: Yeah, it’s Spanish. Yo soy satisfies!
Mad: Hahaha.
SD: No, all the Snickers bars now say “satisfies” on the back. And on the back of the Milky Way it says, “Makes your day.” And on the back of the Whatchamacallit–
Mad: It says, “You forgot the name?!”
SD: No, it says, “A dollar less in your wallet.”
Mad: Ah.
SD: You know, that used to be my favorite candy bar.
Mad: It was mine, too. When I was about…ten. I haven’t had one in years, though.
SD: I’ll be sure to buy one this week so we can see if it’s still good.
Mad: It has peanut butter in it, so I can’t imagine I’d stop liking it.
SD: Yeah, but it still has that layer of cat poop, too, and that’s a taste you grow out of.
Mad: You think?
SD: Yeah, it’s like those ring tones only teenagers can hear.
Mad: Hm.
Sugar Daddy messes with Princess Zurg’s mind (again)
Princess Zurg: There’s no such thing as aliens.
SD: Oh yeah? What about Han Solo?
PZ: Han Solo isn’t real!
SD: Well, the guy who plays him in the movie isn’t real, but what about the real Han Solo?
PZ: He’s–[gears in head clicking furiously] There is no Han Solo!
Theology, Madhousestyle
Mister Bubby: What happens to animals when they die?
PZ: They go to heaven, too.
MB: Yay! We can see animals in heaven!
PZ: And the lions won’t eat us!
MB: We can even see extinct animals!
PZ: Like the passenger pigeon. Or dinosaurs.
MB: I don’t want to see dinosaurs. They’ll squish me.
PZ: They’re not going to step on you in heaven.
MB: They might do it accidentally.
PZ: But Barney might be there. He wouldn’t step on you.
MB: Will Barney really be in heaven?
Mad: Yes. But Baby Bop won’t be.
MB: Ha ha!
And now, a lovely meme from CapnK8:
On a separate sheet of paper, write out your full name. Then, extract all the vowels and write them in order here to get your aloha name.
Eea Iee Ee Ee
How old are you?
Thirty-six-and-a-half
In fifteen words or fewer, describe yourself as a child.
Cynical. Petulant. Artistic. Reticent.
In fifteen words or fewer, describe yourself today.
Cynical. Tired. Addicted to Spider Solitaire.
What did you eat for breakfast?
Cereal.
What kind of clothing (or lack thereof) do you sleep in?
Pajamas.
Think back: in reverse order, what color have you worn for the past five days, including today?
Blue, black, pink, gold, pink. Yes, I wore pink twice in the same week. I enjoy being a girl, so sue me.
If the Talent Fairy flew into the room, what skill or talent would you request from her?
I would like to be tidy.
Favorite flavor of milkshake?
If I’m having french fries, strawberry. If not, chocolate. Yes, it matters.
Favorite kind of pie?
Boysenberry.
Favorite kind of donut?
It’s a tie between old-fashioned glazed cake doughnuts and maple bars.
Favorite cocktail?
I don’t drink cocktails. But if I were my husband, I would say, “A virgin Mo-JI!-to.”
What is in your CD player?
Nightwish, baby!
What is your favorite TV show?
These days, 30Rock. “I can’t read, Liz Lemon!”
Finish this sentence: All I want for Christmas is ___________.
Books.
Look out the nearest window. What do you see?
A house.
What’s the last thing you purchased?
Portraits of my kids.
What would you rather be doing right now?
There is nothing I would rather be doing than filling out this meme. Nothing.
What is the last non-communication (email, blog) website you visited?
Feminist Mormon Housewives.
Tag 10 people to do this survey!
I tag all of you–you and your pets ought to make ten, eh?
I’m a member of DiniHJ’s all-volunteer army.
The ABC’s of me…
A- Attached or single: Attached.
B- Best Friend: I named my daughter after her, so I will refer to her as The Other Girlfriend. Or Toggy.
C- Cake or Pie: Pie, unless it is a meringue pie. Don’t care for the meringue so much. Also, if it’s carrot cake or hot fudge cake, I am totally there. Oh, and I’ll have some pie on the side.
D- Day of choice: I’m equally fond of Wednesdays and Fridays. Wednesday because it’s my tap class, and I get to stay out late afterward. Friday because I enjoy going to Elvis’s therapy sessions and Sugar Daddy and I spend time together in the evening. (Oh, grow up. Yes, I’m talking to you, dear.) Sometimes we even go out.
E- Essential Item: Refrigerator.
F- Favorite Color: Orange.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms: Don’t like gummis. If I have to choose, I guess sour worms are okay. But not really.
H- Hometown: I don’t know that I really have one. People ask me where I grew up, and I don’t know what to tell them, since I lived several different places as a child. Not tons of places, but definitely more than a couple. Here are all the towns I lived in the first 18 years of my life, and you can choose which you like best: Portland, Oregon (for two weeks); Dugway, Utah (when my dad was drafted); Eugene, Oregon (when my dad was in graduate school); Aloha, Oregon (when my dad did his post doc); Concord, California (when my dad got his first post-post doc job); Covina, California (when my dad got the job he still has today); San Dimas, California (when my parents bought the condo).
I- Indulgence(s): Blogging.
J- January or July: July, because it’s warmer and less likely to rain.
K- Kids: I am the proud mother of four super people. If only they would use their powers for good and not evil. Just kidding! I love all of them.
L: Life is Incomplete Without: Music.
M- Marriage Date: May 22, 1997.
N- Number of Siblings: Three sisters, one brother.
O- Oranges or Apples: Apples. Unless it’s those Clementine oranges. They’re easier to peel than regular oranges, thus increasing the eating enjoyment thereof.
P- Phobias or Fears: Heights, Cheerios and dark places. Not necessarily in that order.
Q-Quote: “If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to your door, greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies.’”–Phyllis Diller
R- Reason To Smile: My kids. Except when they’re being evil, of course.
S- Season: Fall. I enjoy the melancholy of the fading summer. Except I hate Halloween.
T- Tag Three +: If you think I’m a loser for hating Halloween, you’re it. (Oh, suddenly I’m not such a loser anymore? Yeah, I thought as much.)
U- Unknown Fact About Me: Nothing about me is unknown. I am devoid of mystery.
V- Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animal: Former vegetarian, current Oppressor of Animal.
W- Worst Habit: Getting cross when things don’t go my way. Also, blogging.
X- X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Depends. Do I have to drink a half gallon of water first? I had exactly one ultrasound which didn’t require me to drink any water beforehand. It was awesome. I’d do that again in a heartbeat. Otherwise, X-ray.
Y- Your Favorite Food: Peanut butter.
Z- Zodiac: Taurus, baby!
Or, if you prefer:
MADHOUSEWIFE’S ALTERNATE ABC’S
A- Adage: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I’m not dead yet, so I must be getting stronger.
B- Badass?: Yes. No, wait. No.
C- Cauliflower: Once I was running out of food and all I had to make dinner with was some cauliflower, and so I found this recipe for Cauliflower Paprikash, and I made it and it was terrible. It was from a vegan cookbook, so I shouldn’t have been surprised, but it was called The Sensual Vegan, or something like that, so I had my hopes, in addition to being desperate and not wanting to go to the grocery store. Maybe by “the sensual vegan” they meant that this is food that will force you to go out to a restaurant and get something good, or make you want to have sex because anything’s better than eating Cauliflower Paprikash–I don’t know. All I know is that cauliflower’s fine by itself, but when it gets into the hands of vegans, lock up your women and children.
D- Denny’s or Dominoe’s: Denny’s. But only because Dominoe’s sucks!
E- Elephant in the Room: The quality of this blog has gone down substantially since I discovered crossword puzzles.
F- Favorite F-word: Fonoimoana. An influential Mormon family in Southern California. I think half of our ward in California was related to them. The legend was that the patriarch was, like, Tongan royalty. Did you know that Tonga is 45% Mormon? Weird, huh? They sure have fun names to say, though. Assuming you can pronounce it correctly and don’t end up saying “Funny marijuana.” Although that’s fun, too. Saying it, I mean.
G- Gefilte fish: An old seminary teacher of mine was a Jewish convert to Mormonism and he brought some gefilte fish to class once, but I was a vegetarian at the time and thus did not partake. That was really my last opportunity to eat gefilte fish. Obviously I could buy some gefilte fish myself–not like you have to be Jewish to eat gefilte fish or anything–but I’d feel silly all the same.
H- House: Burnt.
I- Indian food or Ice Cream: Yes.
J- Jogging: Nope.
K- Kool Moe Dee or Kool and the Gang: Can I just say it’s Ladies’ Night and the feeling’s right? No?
L- Lie: I would love to go back to school someday.
M- Memory: After my baptism, my parents took me and the sibs to Baskin-Robbins. This was a big deal because Baskin-Robbins was expensive. Except we always called Baskin-Robbins “31 Flavors.” Which I didn’t really understand, because they always had more than 31 flavors when I went there. What flavor did I get that fateful day? I have no idea. That was 28 years ago, cats. I’m only thinking about it because I went to a friend’s baptism on Saturday, and they served cookies afterward. Those were some d*** fine cookies.
N- Nattering Nabob of Negativity: I have nothing to say here. I just really like the phrase.
O- Oregon Ducks or Oregon Beavers: DUCKS!
P- Pickle: Zesty Dills. No sweet. Don’t like the sweet pickles.
Q- Question: If base 12 is so much better than base 10, why did God give us ten fingers? Isn’t life difficult enough?
S- Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Heard: “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.” It’s been way too long since you’ve tasted butter, brother.
T- Tango or Twist: I’d like to learn to tango. But I’d feel silly. I’d probably look silly, too. Not that it makes a difference.
U- Usher or Umpire: Usher. I would make a very good usher. I like telling people where they can go. Ha ha, get it? Where they can go? That wasn’t even intentional.
V- Vacuum: Kenmore.
W- Whistle: Can’t.
X- Xanthomatosis or Xenodiagnosis: They both sound iffy to me. I think I’ll go with Xenodiagnosis. If push comes to shove.
Y- Yes albums: Indeed, I have not any.
Z- Zombie: I would not like to live as a zombie. Technically, I would not be living. I would be “undead.” But it doesn’t sound like there’s any joy there. Could I do battle with a zombie, if necessary. After reading The Zombie Survival Guide, I think it would be difficult for me to prevail, given that I am something of a wimp as well as a scaredy-cat. But I think I’d rather take my chances with a zombie than a vampire. Vampires are tricky.
| The Part of You That No One Sees |
 You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere.You’re the type of person who goes along to get along. And you’re definitely afraid of rocking the boat.Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart. You’ll put up with a situation that you don’t like in fear of changing it. Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you. |
What’s the Part of You That No One Sees?
Ah, crap.
gwennieg wants to know:
1. What if I already asked three questions on eriktheuncool’s site, and now I’m fresh out of funny and/or thought-provoking queries?
There are a variety of ways I could answer this question. I could answer it with another question: Is it my problem you’re fresh out of good questions? I could take the hostile approach: No one’s forcing you to play, sister! Or I could take the diplomatic, butt-kissing approach that I’m so famous for:
Out of funny and thought-provoking questions? You, gwennieg? C’est ridicule! You are just being modest, cherie!
2. Why is a line called a “queue” in Canada? And is that how it is spelled?
Why do Canadians do anything? Because unlike Americans, they have never felt the perverse need to cut the linguistic umbilical cord from the nation that bore them. They call it a “queue” in England, so they call it a “queue” in Canada. So the real question is why do they call it a “queue” in England? Well, the English borrowed the word queue from the French, and the French derived it from the Latin coda, meaning “tail.” It originally referred to a plait of hair that hung down the back of one’s neck, but if you use your inner poet’s eye, it’s not difficult to see the resemblance between a line of people (or vehicles) and a tail, braided or otherwise.
And yes, that is how it is spelled. Did you notice that this was really two questions in one? And you said you were running dry!
3. Which flavor of Jell-o is best? Worst? Does the color matter?
You’re probably asking the wrong Mormon, since I don’t really care for Jell-o. But perhaps that makes me a more objective source.
I say red Jell-o is best. And by “red,” I suppose I mean cherry. The worst Jell-o flavor is orange, though I’ve never been crazy about strawberry or lime either. Actually, I can’t stand any Jell-o that isn’t cherry. I would say that color does matter because the sense of sight wields more power over our other senses than we’d like to think. Which is why I couldn’t eat refried beans for the first 20 years of my life. But that’s another story. Theoretically, you could feed a blindfolded person un-dyed Jell-o and they would not know the difference. But I’ve never tried this experiment. You should really ask my husband. He’s a chemist and he loves Jell-o.
illgrindmyownthankyou wants to know:
1. What is the farthest you have ever gone from home?
Probably New York. That was when “home” was Los Angeles. Would you believe that I’ve never traveled outside the contiguous United States? No, not even to Mexico. No, not even to Canada (where I could have stood in a queue). I’ve noticed that when I tell people I’ve never traveled outside the U.S., they always ask, “Not even to Mexico?” or “Not even to Canada?” As if I were unaware or had forgotten that neither Canada nor Mexico is in the United States. No, I’ve never been to either of those places. New York is as far as I’ve gone.
2. What is the best gift you have ever received?
This is a tough questions because if I were deep, I’d say something like the gift of life, or the gift of kindness. But what’s springing to mind is the first gift Sugar Daddy ever gave me, which was a custom-made T-shirt with the word garish in bold print with the dictionary definition superimposed over a quote from Romeo and Juliet (…and pay no worship to the garish sun…)–which makes no sense to any of you because it was based on an inside joke which is too tedious to attempt to describe. The point is that I thought it was a very sweet–dare I say “romantic”? I daresay I do–gift because it was personal and he put some thought into it. Now can I honestly say it’s the best gift SD’s ever given me, considering that he’s also given me four beautiful children and the life of ease to which I’ve become accustomed? I’ll leave that to the philosophers. The garish shirt still makes me feel warm and fuzzy (though I had to stop wearing it a year ago because it was getting frayed and I wanted it to stay intact for posterity).
3. Why do we play these silly games?
You know, Prince once asked a question very similar to this one, but he didn’t have an answer either.
I play these silly games because I’m putting off important stuff I have to do. What’s your excuse?
And finally, both wwwCarey and transvestite_rabbit would like to know:
What is wrong with S__Diddy?
First of all, no fair stealing my question.
Second, I’m not sure I want to know. Where’s the fun in that? (Also, it could be more disturbing than my current ignorance.)
Pop Quiz
*from CapnK8
COLOR SURVEYRED
1.Closest red thing to you? My personal phone book that says RED HOT NUMBERS on the front. I bought it at Target.
2. Has anyone ever cheated on you in a relationship? Yes. Fortunately it wasn’t a relationship that mattered.
3. Last thing to make you angry? My son woke the baby up on purpose yesterday.
4. Are you a fan of romance? I guess. I don’t know.
5. Have you ever been in love? Yes. Technically, I am still in love.
6. Do you have a temper? Yes. Sometimes I lose it, but it always comes back.
GREEN
1. Closest green thing to you? 18-gallon Rubbermaid tote. It has baby clothes in it.
2. Do you care about the environment? Eh.
3. Are you jealous of anyone right now? No.
4. Are you a lucky person? No. Well, yes, technically–I mean, I have my health, I have a beautiful family, I live in a free and affluent country, I’ve never lost my home in a natural disaster–but in games of chance, no, I’m not lucky.
5. Do you always want what you can’t have? No.
6. Are you Irish? I don’t think so.
PURPLE
1. Last purple thing you saw? Bath towel in the laundry hamper.
2. Like being treated to expensive things? Define expensive.
3. Do you like mysterious things? Yes.
4. Favorite type of chocolate? Favorite?
5. Ever met anyone in royalty? To my knowledge, no. I think my father may have met the Queen of England once. She visited his research facility. No, on second thought, he didn’t actually meet her; he just saw her. He met Sophia Loren. I think that pleased him more.
6. Are you creative? Yes.
7. Are you lonely? Yes.
YELLOW
1. Closest yellow thing to you? Envelope on the desk.
2. The happiest time[s] of your life? I don’t have a happiest time. I try to enjoy happiness as it happens. I don’t like to compare relative happinesses. In other words, if I have to think about it, I’ll get depressed.
3. Favorite holiday? Christmas.
4. Are you a coward? Yes.
5. Do you burn or tan? Burn.
6. Do you want children? I want to keep the ones I have, if that’s what you mean.
7. What makes you feel warm and safe? Taking a nap when the children aren’t in the house.
BLUE
1. Closest blue thing to you? Ball-point pen.
2. Are you good at calming people down? Usually.
3. Do you like the sea? Yeah, it’s okay.
4. What was the last thing that made you cry? Okay, this is cheesy, but last night at the Relief Society Christmas dinner, someone read the story about the Three Trees, and I might have almost cried. I think I might have had some residual emotion left over from my daughter’s IEP meeting on Wednesday, or maybe I was really tired, or maybe I’m just cheesy, but that’s my story.
5. Are you a logical thinker? Just a sec. I want to get some pencil and paper.
6. Can you sleep easily? I can now.
7. Do you prefer the beach or the woods? Beach. Not because I like the beach but because the woods are full of killers.
PINK
1. Closest pink thing to you? My baby’s pants.
2. Do you like sweet things? Yes.
3. Like play-fighting? On occasion. How is play-fighting pink?
4. Are you sensitive? Not so much these days.
5. Do you like punk music? Not particularly.
6. What is your favorite flower? Tulip.
7. Does someone have a crush on you? I don’t think so.
ORANGE
1. Closest orange thing to you? My son’s stuffed kitty. Which should be on his floor, not mine.
2. Do you like to burn things? No. I’m afraid of fire.
3. Dress up for Halloween? Not usually.
4. Like the Fall time? Very much.
What? No puce?
My husband complains that my blog these days has been more Kierkegaard than Bombeck. Actually, I fear that I am turning into Erma Bombeck, the Fat Elvis Years. I used to be funny, but lately all I write about is little kids dying of cancer. It’s a drag.
Well, in the spirit of dissing Kierkegaard, I give you
MAD’S BIG BLOG OF TRIVIA
Trivia Item 1:
I was standing in line at the Safeway last night, catching up on my reading, and I learned that Tori Spelling is struggling to make ends meet whilst her selfish mother keeps the late Aaron Spelling’s fortune all to herself. First of all–well, first of all, who cares? But aside from that, if Tori Spelling is having trouble making ends meet, maybe she ought to go out and get a job like adult women without dead rich daddies do.
Trivia Item 2:
Lance Bass is gay. Knock me over with a feather.
Trivia Item 3:
The cat in front of me at the Safeway checkout got a call on his cell phone, and his ringtone was “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye. I can’t decide if that is totally creepy or totally awesome. The dude himself was creepy, but how cool is it to be standing in line at the Safeway and out of nowhere Marvin Gaye starts singing, “Baaaaaaaybeeee…”? Okay, maybe it’s not cool. Maybe it’s just creepy.
Trivia Item 4:
Speaking of music, I’ve heard that if you have a song that keeps playing in your head and driving you crazy, the best way to get rid of it is to sing it out loud at the top of your lungs, so here goes:
SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!
AND YOU’RE TO BLAME!
YOU GIVE LOVE!
A BAD NAME!
Huh. That is better.
Trivia Item 5:
My husband is a bad influence on our Mister Bubby. It was one thing when MB started learning the names of all those background Star Wars characters. And I’m not talking Boba Fett. I’m not even talking Aurra Sing–psh, who doesn’t know who Aurra Sing is?–I’m talking about those random creatures with six heads and stripey tails and the Yodas who aren’t Yodas. Characters who don’t actually have names except in Star Wars Geekville–not that it isn’t a lovely place. Anyway, that was one thing, but this morning in the car we were listening to Rhapsody’s* “Unholy Warcry,” and MB says to me, “Mama, are the darklands real?”
“No, honey, they’re made up.”
“How come only one person can cross them?”
“Because he’s the chosen one.”
“Who’s the chosen one?”
“I don’t know his name.”
“I think it’s Luca Turilli.”
Noooooooo! He’s just a boy!
*Much to my husband’s delight, Rhapsody is now known as Rhapsody of Fire!
Trivia Item 6:
You might be an Oregonian if…
You find yourself sitting in the park on a lovely summer day and shouting, “No! Come back, cloud! Come back!”
I have such a low tolerance for direct sunlight.
Trivia Item 7:
Good news, kids–apparently, if you google “britney spears in a thong,” you will get a link to my site. I have a feeling a lot of people are going to be disappointed.
The interactive portion of the trivial blog:Heard any good jokes lately?
And for those who miss the fat-elvis giraffe:If there is no God, does life have any transcendent meaning beyond what we assign it on a personal level, or is human life ultimately meaningless? Talk amongst yourselves.
Take the Political Cartoon Rorschach Test. I did. Here's my result:
You are a devoted Republican. You tend to walk in lockstep with the party, even if you have not agreed with every decision Republican leaders have made. The few differences you have are nothing compared to your complete and utter disdain for the Democratic Party and the elitism, cowardice, and godlessness for which it stands.
"Lockstep"! Right on!
Once again, the political philosophy of the quiz writer is completely transparent.
Not a very scientific quiz, of course, because I didn't think any of the images was very funny. Except for the one with President Bush making the monkey faces. That was pretty funny. And Howard Dean strangling a kitten. That was kind of funny in a dark way. (I'm sure no actual kittens were harmed. Though I can't say I'd put anything past those cowardly, godless freaks.)
Take the CIA Personality Quiz! I am a "Thoughtful Observer." Deal with that, Jennifer Garner!
My favorite part is the disclaimer at the end.
In other news, I cleaned my fridge this morning. I'll be taking your eProps now. Deal with that, Fly Lady! Who needs your shiny sink???
Stolen from Crude Oil:
| Pretty in Pink
Your life mostly resembles Pretty in Pink. You have some financial difficulties, but because of them you are more creative. You are prone to having a sidekick who follows you everywhere because you are so cool.
|
Man, I hated that movie.
Then there's this:
| You fit in with: Scientology Your ideals mostly resemble those of the Scientology faith. You strive to find the truth in all matters, but you also have a lot of faith in people and things. You are very logical, smart and charismatic and you value the truth above all else. 20% scientific. |
||||
|
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| Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com |
Me, Tom Cruise, and Kirstie Alley–hanging out!
When was the last time you…
changed a diaper? About two hours ago
forgot your own name? I don't remember. Basically, my brain loses that piece of information about half the time it's asked to retrieve it.
ate an entire bag of Doritos in one sitting? Never. But I could. What is it with Doritos? They don't taste good, but I can't stop eating them.
had to ask for ketchup at the drive-thru? About 9 days ago. I always have to ask for ketchup! Is there some kind of freaky ketchup shortage in
Oregon or something?
put down The Man? Dude, my very existence is a put-down of The Man. Okay, I've never put down The Man. I'm a fraud. So sue me.
Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down
Little Debbies snack cakes–good or gross? Definitely gross. Nutty Bars aren't as gross, but they can only be categorized as "good" in a really gross way. I feel wrong eating them.
Peppridge Farm Goldfish–lifesaver or Satan's food? Both. I hate being indebted to Satan!
Cheerios–yummy and nutritious or scary and disgusting? Scary and disgusting. But you knew I'd say that.
Neil Diamond–cool or totally uncool? Cool! Except for that "Heartlight" song, which was in my head all day yesterday after reading barkstone's snarky commentary. Thanks a lot, barky! This one's for you: Hellooooo, my friend, hello…
Love Boat: The Complete Nine Seasons on DVD–a project whose time has come? Maybe not the last couple seasons, but the first six or seven? I'm there!
White chocolate peanut butter cups–stroke of genius or abomination? Abomination!
This quiz so far–best ever or so effing lame you can't believe it? (Same to you, pal!) Modesty prevents me from answering.
Either/Or
Leno or Letterman? Letterman
Huggies or Pampers? Huggies, but only when I'm feeling flush.
Breath mints or chewing gum? Breath mints. Chewing gum hurts my jaw.
Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? (NO, NOT BOTH! YOU MUST CHOOSE!) Harry Potter. Because I'm a Philistine.
Ellen or Rosie? Ellen. And I don't think I've ever seen her talk show.
Time or Newsweek? Newsweek. Apparently I am in a minority here. But Newsweek has George Will. Come on!
Parents or Parenting? This was a throwaway. I'd rather give birth again than read either one.
Faulkner or Hemingway? What was I thinking with this question? But I suppose I have to answer it now. In the short story format, I think I'd go with Faulkner. In the novel format, I'd have to go with Hemingway–because the sentences are so much shorter.
Henry IV Part One or Henry IV Part Two? (NO! YOU MUST CHOOSE!) I'm partial to Part One. But Part Two is not without its charms.
Mormons or Seventh-Day Adventists (no, I won't take it personally)?
I don't think I've ever known any Seventh-Day Adventists, but I can't imagine them being more fun than Mormons. Our very existence is a putdown of The Man.
Minivan or SUV? (NO! YOU MUST CHOOSE!) Minivan, all the way!
Portland or
Seattle? I admit I was just trying to bait transvestite rabbit with this one. But of course
Portland is better. (There I go again.)
Miscellanae
How many loads of laundry did you do this week? Twelve.
Would you ever give your baby the same name as a Muppet? Yes.
What's the point of sending Christmas cards to people you haven't spoken to otherwise for the last ten years? I don't know. Lord have mercy, I do not know.
If Harrison Ford and Steve McQueen got in a fistfight, who would win? Okay, no offense to you
Harrison fans–he's cute and all, but there's only one correct answer to this question. It doesn't matter if he's fighting Harrison Ford or Russell Crowe or Vin Diesel or Freddie Kreuger–MCQUEEN ALWAYS WINS! Even 25 years dead, he still wins!
Is Roeper even half the man Siskel was? I was just curious because I haven't seen the show since Roeper came on it. I just miss Gene Siskel sometimes. You can't trust Ebert's judgment. That cat'll watch anything.
Essay
Have you ever been to prison? Explain. No, I haven't, because I've never been convicted of a crime, and I've never been on speaking terms with someone who was doing time, and I've never had to participate in one of those "scared straight" things. But if you want to talk metaphorically…well, that's a whole other blog.
When was the last time you…
changed a diaper?
forgot your own name?
ate an entire bag of Doritos in one sitting?
had to ask for ketchup at the drive-thru?
put down The Man?
Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down
Little Debbies snack cakes–good or gross?
Peppridge Farm Goldfish–lifesaver or Satan's food?
Cheerios–yummy and nutritious or scary and disgusting?
Neil Diamond–cool or totally uncool?
Love Boat: The Complete Nine Seasons on DVD–a project whose time has come?
White chocolate peanut butter cups–stroke of genius or abomination?
This quiz so far–best ever or so effing lame you can't believe it? (Same to you, pal!)
Either/Or
Leno or Letterman?
Huggies or Pampers?
Breath mints or chewing gum?
Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? (NO, NOT BOTH! YOU MUST CHOOSE!)
Ellen or Rosie?
Time or Newsweek?
Parents or Parenting?
Faulkner or Hemingway?
Henry IV Part One or Henry IV Part Two? (NO! YOU MUST CHOOSE!)
Mormons or Seventh-Day Adventists (no, I won't take it personally)?
Minivan or SUV? (NO! YOU MUST CHOOSE!)
Portland or
Seattle?
Miscellanae
How many loads of laundry did you do this week?
Would you ever give your baby the same name as a Muppet?
What's the point of sending Christmas cards to people you haven't spoken to otherwise for the last ten years?
If Harrison Ford and Steve McQueen got in a fistfight, who would win?
Is Roeper even half the man Siskel was?
Essay
Have you ever been to prison? Explain.
——————————————————————————–
Remember, no cheating!
You scored as Pissed at the World Cat. And here we have the next serial killer. Try having some cotton candy, it'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, Psycho.
Pissed at the World Cat
42%
Derranged Cat
33%
Couch Potato Cat
33%
Drunk Cat
25%
Love Machine Cat
8%
Ninja Cat
8%
Nerd Cat
8%
Which Absurd Cat are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
Stolen from radmama. The quiz itself was mediocre, but the picture was so adorable, I couldn't resist. You know how it is.
——————————————————————————–
Congratulations, You Are Accidently Evil!
Raw evil score: 22.22%
You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.
For you, comfort and calm are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.
Could it be any truer? No, I don't think it could.
You scored as Neutral Good.
A Neutral Good person tries to do the 'goodest' thing possible. These people are willing to work with the law to accomplish their goal, but if the law is corrupt they are just as willing to tear it down. To these people, doing what's right is the most important thing, regardless of rules, customs, or laws.
Neutral Good
95%
Lawful Good
90%
Lawful Neutral
70%
True Neutral
60%
Chaotic Good
40%
Neutral Evil
35%
Lawful Evil
30%
Chaotic Neutral
15%
Chaotic Evil
5%
Yes! I am the "goodest"!
Man, first the Malebolge, now this.
You scored as Severus Snape.
Well you're a tricky one aren't you? Nobody quite has you figured out and you'd probably prefer it stayed that way. That said you are a formidable force by anyone's reckoning, but there is certainly more to you than a frosty exterior and a bitter temper.
Severus Snape
85%
Hermione Granger
75%
Remus Lupin
75%
Albus Dumbledore
75%
Ron Weasley
55%
Harry Potter
55%
Ginny Weasley
55%
Sirius Black
50%
Draco Malfoy
30%
Lord Voldemort
10%
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