I don’t have time or patience to be clever today.  Which is interesting because I did have time to surf the internet and learn that I am ADDICTED TO FREE SHIPPING at Amazon.com.  I can’t go to Target anymore, I can’t go to Amazon, I can’t go anywhere without spending money on stuff I don’t really need.  Yesterday I was at the Safeway and I was seriously considering buying some Veggie Booty.  That’s how bad it is, kids.  Stop me before I shop again.

Giraffes Can’t Dance Department

Each term my tap-dance instructor teaches the class a new routine.  Over the summer we learned a bench routine done to a Joplin-esque rag.  We looked very cute.  This term she’s having us tap to “Bad to the Bone.”  Just when I think I have no pride left, something comes along to inform me, no, I really did have some left, and there it goes.

I’m the only returning student this quarter.  I like the new crop of tappers a lot, though.  Especially the old man.  Sorry if that’s not PC, but he is one.  A nice one.  He gives our “Bad to the Bone” routine a much-needed shot of testosterone.  Or something.

Wake me when this cruel election’s over

Of late I tend to concur with Sugar Daddy’s sentiment:  I don’t care who wins anymore; I just don’t want to see any more of these stupid ads.

I read a great opinion piece in the Oregonian by
Portland writer Cathy Lamb, wherein she talks about attending a candidates forum at a local church.  This is what she learned:

“Every candidate’s opponent is a slug with bad teeth who will undoubtedly make rainbows and snowflakes illegal.

“As for themselves, each candidate is a beaming light in a tar-filled, politician-infested black pit.  He/she will save you.

“In fact, if any opponent wins, the state will literally flip over, east side pulling the west, mountains and all, right into the Pacific Ocean.  We will all be gobbled up by as-yet-undiscovered giant-sized people-swallowing blowfish.

“If the candidate who is present wins, the state will WIN A MAKEOVER!  That’s right.  We will all receive clothing allowances from Nordstrom.

“Not to mention that we will all become thinner and richer.  Our hair will glow.  Our skin will unwrinkle.  We will look hot in lingerie.”

So there you have it, folks.  If that isn’t incentive to vote on Nov. 2, I don’t know what is.  Just make sure you vote for the right people (obviously, the non-slimy vertebrates who favor decriminalized rainbows), or we will ALL be sorry.

Of interest to my LDS readers

Meridian Magazine has an interesting interview with Mitch Davis (The Other Side of Heaven director) wherein he discusses the future of Mormon cinema.  I was particularly intrigued with his ideas for which actor he would choose to play Joseph Smith.  He says he would go with Tom Cruise or Matthew McConaughey.  When I first read that, I thought, “Tom Cruise as Joseph Smith?  Sure, in bizarro world.”  But the more I thought about it, the more I started to like the idea.  (Of course, there’s no way Richard Dutcher has the money to hire Tom Cruise for his Joseph Smith movie, but at least we don’t have to worry about Val Kilmer anymore.  I really like Richard Dutcher–I like Joseph Smith, for that matter, but…that scared me, kids.)

Problem is, of course, Cruise is way too short.  Sorry, but I don’t know if I could get past that.  Of course, I had reservations about him playing Lestat in Interview with the Vampire, but he was actually pretty good in that.  Not that I recommend that movie, of course.  (Insert shifty-eyed emoticon here.)  As for Matthew McConaughey, I just thought…Ew.
Davis‘ other picks included Daniel Day-Lewis and Hugh Jackman.  Both of which I’m having a tough time imagining, but either way, we’d have ourselves one hot-looking prophet!

In Part Two of the interview
Davis weighs in on Napoleon Dynamite.  It’s not actually terribly interesting, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.  I just had a mental image of Jon Heder as Joseph Smith.  That was disturbing.  Personally, I think it’s a shame Richard Moll is too old to reprise the role.  (See credit #84.)  Hey, at least he’d be tall enough.  On the other hand, he’d still make a great Brigham Young.  Wouldn’t he?  Oh, come on!

Those of you who enjoyed taking my first quiz can look forward to my new quiz, “Which Crappy Mormon Movie Are You?”

Quote of the Day

“How can you be so serious on a film where you are dodging explosions…with Sir Alec Guinness…and an eight-foot

monkey…and the eight-foot monkey is the one flying the spaceship?”–Mark Hamill

That’s why Mark Hamill will always be my favorite Star Wars actor.