Flu + Period = Bad

I am both with and not with the program this week.  On and off the ball.  Playing with and without a full deck.  Sugar Daddy is cutting me extra slack because I did manage to get Mister Bubby toilet-trained this week.  Not that I can really call it my accomplishment.  You wait until your kid’s pushing four-and-a-half, and you’re bound to have success.  Well, it doesn’t matter.  Our diaper bill will go down and our carpets aren’t soaked with urine, and SD will forgive me just about anything.  So will I take the credit even if it’s undeserved?  Don’t I always?I had my tap-dancing class last night.  I really need to get some new shoes.  Or some new knees.  I can’t really tell.  Maybe both.  I’m getting too old for this crap.  Then again, it might be the flu.

Where was I?  Oh, yes, on and off the ball.  The house has all but gone to hell–it’s teetering on the brink there, getting a little bit singed by the flames of eternal damnation–but on the plus side, I did manage to score a babysitter for this weekend.  I know that sounds a little obscene, but at least I didn’t say “bag me a babysitter.”  It’s been approximately one million years since SD and I have gone out together, alone, so I thought it was time.  Shrug.  Hopefully Elvis will no longer be coughing up his lungs by Saturday.  Hopefully I will be out of slug mode in time to get my house clean.  Why do I care so much about having my house clean for a teenage girl?  It’s that silly pride thing.  Stupid self-respect.

Last Saturday we went with the kids to a donkey basketball game at the local high school.  It was teachers vs. cops.  As near as I could tell, the donkeys didn’t have any particular allegiances.  The kids were not nearly as enthralled/confused as SD was hoping.  Probably because only one donkey pooped on the floor.  They probably missed it, too, like I did.  Anyway, I went in planning to root for the cops, but they were so far ahead that I felt obligated to root for the teachers instead, because I always support the underdog.  What can I say?  I am a Blazers fan.  Anyway, I had to hand it to those cops.  They played some good ball.  At the end of the fourth quarter they were ahead 28 to 18.  Unfortunately, we then had the option to donate money to either team, each dollar translating to an extra point, which meant the teachers ended up winning 168 to 129.  No, this is not the way we fund our education and public safety in
Oregon.  Well, not yet anyway.  All the money went to the D.A.R.E. program, which I know is some anti-drug thing, but I still don’t know what exactly they do besides print bumper stickers.  Anyway, I assume it was all for a good cause, and that’s fine, but my inner purist thought the whole idea of buying points lame at best.  Isn’t that, like, cheating?  Only in the real world.

Mister Bubby has been obsessed as of late with the movie Prince of
Egypt.  I have yet to sit down and watch the whole thing start to finish, but I’ve seen large portions of it by now, and I just have to say one thing:  that animated Moses is way hotter than Charlton Heston.  And I don’t say that about many cartoon characters.

My children are dressed and fed.  I, however, am only fed.  At least I remembered to take my happy pills this morning.  It’s going to be another long, totally unproductive day.

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