For clarity’s sake, children, I should have made it clear that the Big Satan is Sugar Daddy’s employer–in real life, a very large, well-known company with a reputation for working their employees into early graves so they can increase their profit margin, like the capitalist scum they are.  They aren’t actually that bad.  Everyone who works there just likes to complain about this corporation, which is why I refer to it, facetiously, as the Big Satan.  No, there isn’t really a Church of the Devil in the
Portland suburbs plotting to gain favor and influence with the public by giving away cheap crap with its logo imprinted on it.  Not literally, anyway.

A while back SD bought a carpet shampooer–is that a word?  A steamcleaner.  You know, one of those things that cleans your carpets with water and soap.  Anyway, he showed it to the kids–gave a full demonstration of its powers on the living room carpet–and they were fascinated and impressed to the extreme, especially Elvis.  SD told them it was a “Super Vacuum.”  For about a week or so afterward, Elvis would get up in the morning and ask to see the Super Vacuum.  Even now, every time we go into the garage, where the Super Vacuum components are stored, he gets all excited and says, “Super Vacuum!  Super Vacuum!”  He’s almost as enamored with the thing as his father is.

Well, now he’s taken it into his head that the new package of diapers we bought at the Target–the same brand we’ve always bought him, only now they have Care Bears on them–are Super Diapers.  He won’t wear the diapers with the old mascots on them because those are just ordinary diapers.  He requires Super Diapers.  Well, at least now I don’t have to chase him around the house begging him to let me change his diaper.  He volunteers for it now.

For those of you who are wondering, a Hostess Fruit Pie does not have the same therapeutic value as a jelly-filled pastry.  I will keep you posted on my continuing scientific studies of baked goods consumption in pregnancy.  Today I will be conducting experiments on Krispy Kremes.

Elvis’ new phrases (besides Super Vacuum):

“I can’t take it!”

“Not for babies.”  (Important to chant whilst rummaging through items that are unsafe or none of your business.)


“Man alive!”