The baby shower went quite swimmingly, all things considered.  I decided to bag the whole “game” thing and let people be content with eating, socializing and dropping off their gifts.  Personally, I hate baby shower games.  I especially hate the one where they give you a piece of bubble gum to chew and then tell you to sculpt a baby out of it.  That’s just disgusting.  (Beats the “poopy diaper” game for gross-out factor, seeing how you’re involving actual body secretions.  ::shudder::  I won the poopy diaper game last time I played it, by the way.  I’m not entirely without skills.)  Anyway, where was I?  Oh, yes, the party.  I made food and I exploited the kindness of yet another acquaintance, who babysat Elvis and his little sister while I went to Target and picked up a baby swing–which would have been difficult for me to do with a Baby Bjorn strapped to my chest.  Well, assuming the Baby Bjorn had a baby inside it.  Baby Bjorns by themselves are reasonably uncumbersome and don’t interfere much with one’s center of gravity.  I don’t do the Baby Bjorn anymore, though, because I got me a Maya Wrap, which is not only more comfortable and functional, but it makes me look like one of those hip, earth-mother types who only buys organic produce and clothes her infant in hemp diapers.  It’s the closest I’ve got to a Halloween costume.

More Stuff I Didn’t Say Before I Had Kids

“No, that’s part of my face.  It doesn’t come off.  It stays on my face.  It stays on my face.  Ow!  Stop it!”

More Crap I Just Don’t Get

Someone needs to explain to me the Portland news media’s obsession with convicted panty thief Sung Koo Kim, the Tigard man who first came to prominence a couple years ago as a “person of interest” in Brooke Wilberger’s disappearance.  It has long been established that not only is Kim not a suspect in the Wilberger case, he’s not even that interesting.  He had nothing to do with Brooke Wilberger disappearing, but he’s still on the news every other night, shuffling into court, wearing that orange jumpsuit and that creepy look of serenity on his face, a little half-smile that seems to say, “Prison is a lot cooler than living with Mom and Dad.”  I understand that police found violent pornography on his computer’s hard drive, and he’s got an astonishingly large collection of stolen women’s underwear (which they keep showing us–very colorful, lots of thongs), but enough already.  Really.  Is he the only panty thief in the state of
Oregon?  The only Korean panty thief?  What?

Time to clean the house.  I’ve been in abandoned movie theaters with cleaner floors.