Yet Another Reason Mothers Should Not Wear
Angora

“Mommy, did they kill a bunny to make your sweater?”

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Madhousehold Members Keep the Dream Alive

My kids seem to have caught the spirit of Martin Luther King Day.  They thought we should have a cake, seeing how it’s his birthday and all.  Actually, they wanted to make cupcakes.  Sugar Daddy asked what kind of cupcakes they wanted to make.  First they said chocolate.  Then they thought we should have chocolate cupcakes and white cupcakes.  (Get it?)  Then Princess Zurg really caught the vision and she said, “I know!  First we’ll keep them separate.  Then we’ll mix them up so they can all get along!”

We’ll be having our cupcake diversity training later on in the day.

Meanwhile, in church yesterday Mister Bubby kept wanting me to draw him pictures.  First he wanted me to draw a person, and he wanted me to use a brown crayon so I could draw an “Indian from
India.”  So I did.  Then he wanted me to draw a blue person, followed by a purple person, followed by a green person.  Then he wanted me to draw a picture of him with white skin and a picture of myself with black skin.  For the record, I do not actually have black skin (in fact, my skin is about ten times whiter than my son’s skin), but this is concept art; it’s not meant to be strictly representational.  Then he wanted us both to have gigantic hands.  I don’t know what that was about, but I think maybe he just wanted us to look funny.

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And speaking of how the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum…

I didn’t sleep well last night because after I got up to nurse the baby, I found that I could not remember the words to the Family Ties theme song.  No, nor to the theme song of Growing Pains–every time I thought I had it I would end up thinking of the theme from The Greatest American Hero, which isn’t at all the same song, but that’s all I could come up with.  How did this begin?  I don’t remember, exactly, but I think it started with The Facts of Life.  There’s another, more important question, however, and that’s WHY DO I FREAKING CARE???  Shouldn’t I be happy that this information has permanently left my brain?  Why would I be trying to draw it back in after it so mercifully relieved me of its burden?  This is the other thing that kept me awake.  Of course, now that it’s morning and my kids are up and the opportunity for sleep has disappeared, I can remember all of this stuff just fine.  It’s called irony, kids.  Irony sucks.

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Appendix A

I know you’re all waiting with bated breath to learn the results of my scientific study of laundry-folding habits among primates.  I haven’t had time to do a full analysis of the data, but preliminary findings indicate that women prefer to fold towels length-wise first by a margin of 457,000 to one.  (Of course these numbers are a tad skewed, since the vast majority of respondents were women, but what do you want?  It’s a freaking Xanga, people, not Johns Hopkins.)  I was just curious because I’ve noticed that every woman I know prefers to fold her towels this way–unless, of course, they’re kitchen towels, in which case individual choices may vary.  However, I’ve noticed that in whatever case, women always assume that there is a preferred way to fold towels, and they wouldn’t dream of helping you fold your towels without first asking what your preference is.  It isn’t just that they assume a preferred method, but they assume that the preferred method is a very important issue.  You don’t just go around folding towels without considering the full implications of what you’re doing.  Chaos would reign!

Men, by and large, do not have this sickness.  I’ve long suspected that it’s because men, by and large, do not approach housekeeping with an engineering mindset.  Or what little engineering skills they bring to the table are not applied to the job on a macro level.  To them, folding towels is not rocket science, nor does the  particular method of folding have global significance.  My hypothesis is that this is because men, by and large, do not connect folding towels to putting them away.  But obviously more research is necessary.

Thank you all for responding.  I’m afraid I can’t compensate you for your trouble, but you may enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve contributed to the body of Totally Useless Knowledge without wasting any precious taxpayer dollars or getting used as a corporate shill.  You should be proud.

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