I don’t often use the “mothers’ lounge” at our church because it is frequently more convenient to stay put and nurse discreetly wherever I may be at the time.  Also, because the room they have set up as the mothers’ lounge is cold and smells like hell.  The latter feature is due largely to the fact that the mothers’ lounge also houses the only diaper-changing station in the building.  (Coincidence???)  I suppose this would be okay if a) the room were properly ventilated to accommodate an appliance of this variety, or b) the diaper pail wasn’t a refugee from the 1970’s.  I’m fairly certain my mother had one exactly like this, for cloth diapers.  I think this particular diaper pail could very well be harboring odors that originated thirty years ago.  It is that foul.

Everyone who comes in to change her kid’s diaper apologizes to the nursing mothers for polluting the air and compromising their infants’ respiratory health with her toddler’s nasty fecal matter vapors, but really, the actual act of changing the foul toddler’s diaper doesn’t bother anyone.  It’s when they lift the lid off that awful diaper pail that we all start gagging and can’t help but think, “If you were really sorry, Dear Sister, you would leave that diaper pail alone and pack the nasty package out of here.”  But no one does that.  They all just leave the room with their freshened-up child and abandon the rest of us to the Ghosts of Diapers Past.

There is a conspiracy theory that the Brethren don’t want the mothers’ lounge to become too comfortable because then all the ladies would just end up staying in there socializing instead of attending their church meetings.  (It’s true, but how dare they presume.)  I’m not a conspiracy theorist.  I just think that Mormons–specifically Mormon women–in general are loath to take the initiative when it comes to changing things in the church, even something with so little potential for global repercussions as a new diaper pail.  It’s not because we’re oppressed.  It’s because the church is such a huge, monstrous bureaucracy with its fingers in every conceivable pie that we automatically assume that there must be some formal procedure requiring approval from Salt Lake before we can do anything to alter the church building.  It’s not conscious.  If it were conscious, we’d realize we were being ridiculous.  Like I have.

So, fancying myself something of a humanitarian, I’ve decided I’m going to buy my church building a Diaper Genie.  I’ve never owned a Diaper Genie myself, mostly because the idea of having to buy all those bag refills offends me.  My Inner Environmentalist thinks it smacks of gratuitous consumption.  My Inner Pragmatist says my Inner Environmentalist is a hypocrite and why should we listen to anything she says when she never sees fit to show up at meetings where crucial issues are discussed–and also that this is one of those Better-The-Environment-Than-Us situations, so maybe Negative Nelly over here should just shut up.

Seriously, I will gladly buy refills for this thing for the next ten years, if it will improve the olfactory health of the dozens–nay, hundreds–of women and children who use this facility.

So anyway, yes, the last time I checked, the Diaper Genie was the Cadillac of diaper pails.  Acknowledging that no diaper-disposal system is perfect, can any owners of Diaper Genies tell me if they’re really all that and a bag of chips?  Actually, I’ll settle for all that.  I don’t really need the bag of chips.  (Unless, of course, you’re not going to eat them.)  Or is there a new diaper pail in town that I have to try?  Did I mention that this is important?

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