Sugar Daddy and Madhousewife on Election Night

Madhousewife:  I’m a little distressed over these results.  Okay, now I’m over it.

Sugar Daddy:  Well, when you think about it, we conservative Christians have it made either way.  If the Republicans win, we’re happy.  If the Democrats win, we know Jesus is that much closer to coming.

Madhousewife:  True.*

* It’s a joke, kids.  A jest, a witticism, a bon mot.  On the other hand, liberal Christians could conceivably view a Democratic victory as a harbinger of the Kingdom of God on earth.  In which case, the joke is on us.  See, it is funny.

An Object Lesson for Republicans:  Stick with What Works

Madhousewife:  My hands smell sour.  Why do my hands smell sour?  Oh, it’s that stupid Method grapefruit soap.

Sugar Daddy:  I bought you new vanilla mint soap.

Mad:  I didn’t see it.

SD:  I wanted to get the turd-scented soap, but they were out.

Mad:  That’s all right.  We don’t need turd-scented soap.  Oh, in case you were wondering, we don’t need turd-scented air freshener, either.

SD:  Well, they had some reindeer turd soap.  You know, for Christmas.

Mad:  Right.

SD:  And I thought that would be kind of festive.  You know, they had cranberry and reindeer turd–(here our heroine tries not to laugh, fails miserably; her incontinent giggling only encourages him)–but what I really wanted was the cat turd, and they were out of that, too.

Mad (regaining compusure): Well, cat turd isn’t a seasonal item, is it?

SD:  No, it’s more of a year-round thing.  But they were out of the Method cat turd, and they’ve got a Target version of the cat turd-scented soap, but it’s a little off.  It just smells like a sick cat.

Mad:  You really need to spring for the brand-name stuff.

SD:  Well, that was my feeling.

Election, Shmelection–Here’s the Real News of the Day

Britney Spears Files for Divorce

It’s moments like this when I get really annoyed with how the tabloid culture keeps seeping into my life.  Did anyone else experience an unexpected surge in their respect for Britney Spears in the last 24 hours?