Cleaning up after Elvis dumps the change jar in the master bedroom, Day 2
Madhousewife: Are we still finding money in this stupid bed?
Sugar Daddy: Are you complaining about finding money in the bed? I’m going to write a blog about how you’re all jaded now. “Oh, I don’t know when I want my housekeeper to come.” “I keep finding money in the bed.”
Madhousewife: The stupid bed. We need a new one.
This morning’s bad news: Elvis has discovered the garbage disposal.
Guilty Pleasures, Part 52
Once a friend of mine sheepishly confessed that she enjoyed listening to Delilah. I assured her that she had nothing to be ashamed of; sometimes I listened to Delilah, too (though I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as she did). Well, no more. It’s all about the John Tesh Radio Show now. He doesn’t just sit around choosing sappy love songs for the lovelorn. He is actively trying to make me smarter. Seriously, I learn a lot from his show. Just last night he was telling us how to avoid food poisoning at buffets. Word to the wise: Cold dishes should have ice around the sides of the bowl and not just on the bottom. If the food isn’t cold to the touch, it is already growing bacteria. The best part is that he said “growing bacteria” just as Chicago started singing, “You are my love in my life…You are my in-spi-ra-shun…”
I’m feeling a strange connection with John Tesh these days. He’s like a real friend, telling me what I need to know, not just the things I want to hear. I also sense that he’s sincere. He really wants me to have this information. I don’t know about the rest of you all, but sometimes I felt like Delilah was just phoning it in. John Tesh is keeping it real. Not just relationship advice, but safe buffet dining. I mean, for Pete’s sake, people can’t be always be in love, they gotta eat sometime. So I don’t care what anyone says. I like that John Tesh. Now if only he’d play some better music, we’d really be in business.
Madhousechildren discover the Muppet MoviesMister Bubby: I wish I was Kermit. Then I would never have to wear a shirt.Princess Zurg: But what if you were going on a date with Miss Piggy?
Mister Bubby: Then I would wear clothes.
P.S. The housekeeper’s coming over next Wednesday at 8:00 a.m.It was the darnedest thing. I actually had the phone in my hand, the number in front of me, and I was contemplating what I would say when the phone rang and it was housekeeping service scheduler asking me if I’d made a decision yet. It was like a sign from God. Good thing, because I probably could have contemplated for the rest of the day.When they come, I will tell them that any change they find in the bed is theirs.