Princess Zurg (running down the stairs):  Mommy!  Mommy!  Oh, my gosh, Mommy!  There’s a fire in your bathroom!

Giraffemom:  A fire?

PZ:  Yes, a fire!

GM (running upstairs):  In my bathroom?

PZ:  Yes!  A fire in your bathroom!

GM:  Oh my [gosh], there’s a fire in my bathroom!


GM:  Kids, get out of the house–everybody out of the house!

Mister Bubby:  Why?

PZ:  There’s a fire in mom’s bathroom!

MB:  Mommy, call 911!

GM:  Yes, dear.

MB:  Call 911!

GM:  I am.  Get out of the house!

MB:   Call 911 now!

GM:  I’m calling them now!


Sugar Daddy:  Hello, this is SD.

Mad:  Hi, it’s me.  Um, I’m just going to say this.  Our house is on fire.

SD:  Really?

Mad:  Yes, it’s on fire.

SD:  Like, for real?

Mad:  Yes, for real.  Like, actual flames.  There are flames in our bathroom.  There is smoke coming out of our roof.

SD:  Do I need to come home?

Mad (pause):  Yes.  Oh my [gosh], there are flames coming out of our roof.

SD:  I’ll see you in a few minutes.


To:  SD’s boss
From:  SD

My house is on fire.  Leaving for the day.


Neighbor:  Is this your house?

Mad:  Yes.  This is my house.

Neighbor:  Oh, wow.  I’m sorry.

Mad:  Well…they put it out.  It’s still standing.  We’re all okay.  Most of our stuff is okay.  All the stuff that’s important.  … Not that the bathrooms weren’t important.  But…you know…


An hour or so later, SD gives PZ and MB the after-fire tour of our home.  The damage was confined mostly to the master bathroom, but the firefighters had to put a hole in the roof and take out some ceiling in the upstairs hall, both upstairs bathrooms, and the nursery.  Plus, there is smoke and water damage and foam insulation and ash all over the place.

GM:  The important thing is that we’re all okay, and most of our stuff is okay.

PZ:  Yeah.  The important thing is that I saved everyone’s life.

GM:  Yes.  Yes, that you did.  That is the important thing.

PZ:  I never knew that I’d be, well, a hero.

GM:  Yeah, that was unexpected.

PZ:  And at such a young age!

GM:  Crazy, isn’t it?


The next morning…

GM:  Zurgie, I know you’re tired, but you have to get up now.

PZ:  Why do I have to go to school every day?

GM:  Well, today will be fun.  You can go tell everybody about how you were a hero.

PZ:  Yeah, but even a great hero gets tired sometimes, you know.


EPILOGUE

The fire-starting culprit was a malfunctioning ceiling exhaust fan in the master bathroom–and it would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!

The bad news is that we will likely be out of our house for about eight weeks.  The good news is that we apparently chose our homeowners insurance very well, because they will cover all the damages (less a $500 deductible) as well as our living expenses until our home has been restored to pre-fire condition.

Princess Zurg has decided that she is destined for a career as a defender of children and other living things.

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