Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney:  Stop Giving My Party and My Religion a Bad Name

For one thing, we don’t need your help.

Moreover, I am so sick unto death of your respective Jesus problems that I could almost vote for Hillary.  Almost.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I’d vote for Lucifer himself if he cut the capital gains tax.  That’s what Jesus would do, right?  Oh, I’m so confused!

Fred Thompson, thou art the man

Heretofore I have not really understood the appeal of Fred Thompson, whom I quite liked on the Law & Order, but as a candidate, I didn’t think there was much there there, if you dig my meaning.  As was the case with nearly all of the GOP candidates, I was pretty sure that I could support him if push came to shove, but he’d have to buy me dinner first.  Or something.  However, he rose about ten points in my esteem after the last Republican debate in Iowa (how many of these things are they gonna do?), when he shot down moderator Carolyn Washburn (editor of the Des Moines Register) who asked the candidates to raise their hands if they believed that “global climate change is a serious threat and caused by human activity.”

Fred “I’m in Third Place and I Just Don’t Care Anymore” Thompson:  I’m not doing hand shows today.  No hand shows.

Carolyn “We Only Have So Much Time and I Don’t Care What the Candidates Really Think Anyway” Washburn:  Is that yes or no for you?  Do you believe that global climate change is —

Thompson:  Well, do you want to give me a minute?

Washburn:  No.

Thompson:  Then I’m not going to answer it.

Washburn:  How about thirty seconds?

Thompson:  No. You know — you want a show of hands. I’m not giving it to you.

I’ve officially decided that I couldn’t care less what Fred Thompson actually thinks about climate change.  I can definitely vote for someone who will stand up to these debate moderators.  Enough is e-freaking-nough, kids.  As long as he buys me breakfast in the morning.  (I eat a lot of breakfast.)

Also, I have no idea what god Fred Thompson worships, and that’s definitely something I could get used to.