Answer:  I have no beef with Mike Huckabee.  Not really.  I have nothing against the guy personally–he seems like a nice enough cat, and he’s not insane, like some presidential candidates who shall remain nameless.  I don’t think he should be President of the United States.  Could I live with him being President of the United States?  Sure.  (See “not insane” remark above.)  I could live with Hillary or Obama being president.  I mean, what else am I gonna do, leave the country?  Where would I go–Canada?  Saudi Arabia?  Where does a right-winger go when the elections disappoint her, what with America being the greatest country on earth and anyone who thinks otherwise being a no-good, rotten commie?  Seriously.

I am annoyed with people who stay in presidential races despite having no chance of winning.  What is the point, other than to annoy people?  It’s all about ego.  Or in Mike Huckabee’s case, possible Mitt Romney-loathing.  Who doesn’t hate Mitt Romney at this point?  I still wouldn’t run for president over it.

Just for clarity’s sake, that Mitt Romney stuff is a joke.  Mitt Romney’s fine.  I’m not crazy about him, but I have more confidence in his presidential capacity than I do in some others I could mention (but won’t, because I’m being nice).  Also, he’s pretty hot.  You know, for someone my dad’s age.  What do you know, I just grossed myself out, and there’s nary a chicken nugget in sight.  I only kid about him because I care.  I mock because I love.  He’d make a fine president.  He’s just not cuddly like Huckabee.  Or anybody.  If it weren’t against his religion, I’d say he should get a tattoo like that Jack on Lost:  “He walks among us, but he is not one of us.”  (That’s what it says, but it’s not what it means!)

I must say, if I were still a Democrat, I would be torn.  1992 Me would probably vote for Obama.  1996 Me would probably vote for Clinton.  (Or is it the other way around?)  If I were still a Democrat, which Me would I be?  See, this is why I had to switch parties.  The Dems were tearing me apart!

I know that Democrats feel very confident about taking back the White House this year.  I can’t blame them.  I mean, it is their turn.  People don’t usually go for twelve straight years of either party, 1980-1992 notwithstanding.  However, it’s my opinion that Hillary Clinton would be easier for Republicans to defeat than Barack Obama.  I don’t think he’s more qualified than she is; I just think fewer people hate him.  It’s just my observation.  As I commented on TR‘s site a while back (sorry, too lazy to look it up), I don’t have a visceral hatred of Hillary Clinton.  I think she’s okay.  I don’t particularly mind her, nor do I think she is shrill and/or school-marmish.  I think she looks good in pantsuits.  I’m even starting to like that laugh of hers. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

Incidentally, did anyone else think the Newsweek cover of her was the Least Flattering Picture Ever–excluding the ones you find on the internet with her looking cross-eyed and sporting devil horns?  I think she looks so much better when she’s smiling with teeth.  (And yes, I do analyze the Newsweek covers of male candidates in a similar fashion.  I thought John Edwards looked damn good on the cover of Newsweek–and I hate John Edwards!)  I really don’t understand why people loathe her the way they do.  Loathe her politics, sure; think she’s a mercenary ideologue, sure–but why make it personal?  I’m not the type to see sexism everywhere (not outside my own house, anyway), but it’s hard to discount the gender factor here.  There, I have gone on record. 

However, gender and personality aside, Hillary’s got baggage.  All candidates do, but Hillary’s baggage will not fit under the seat in front of her or in the overhead compartment.  She’s gonna have to check it at the gate, dig?  And the airline workers are not going to be thrilled.  Knowing Hillary, she will probably fly United with a layover in Denver, and are voters really going to want to follow her there?  I’m betting not.  If I turn out to be wrong, though, and she wins in a landslide in November, I’ll be the first to give her her props.  Okay, maybe I’ll be a little busy those first couple days, but as soon as the crying’s done, I’ll be giving her her props in a reasonably timely fashion.  And then I will move to Canada.  Oh, wait.

So yeah, when I say I’m counting on Barack Obama losing, do I really mean I want him to lose?  No, it’s a joke.  Obviously, I’m not a Democrat, I don’t want a Democratic White House for the next four years, so if I think Senator Obama has a better chance of winning than Hillary, the non-serious part of me says, “Go away, Barack Obama, and take your audacity of hope with you.”  The serious part of me, though, is really okay with Sen. Obama being the Democratic nominee because, well, if we must have a Democratic White House for the next four (or, fine, eight) years, Barack Obama seems like a good person.  What’s the worst that could happen?  The earth could explode.  Is that likely to be Mr. Obama’s fault?  Eh, not directly.  (Kidding!)  And I wouldn’t have to put up with x-number (sorry, it pains me to say “eight”) years of misogyny-informed carping about Hillary Clinton.  That in itself is a bonus. 

In short, I’m just depressed about Rudy and Fred being gone.  Especially since I really wanted one of these Fred Thompson shirts:

fredshirt

Not because I favor punching hippies, or think that punching hippies is intrinsically hilarious.  It’s the idea of the President punching hippies that’s intrinsically hilarious.  Unless it’s President Clinton.  President Clinton punching hippies isn’t funny.  President Obama punching hippies–that’s kind of funny.  I don’t know why he’d do such a thing, but I guess that’s where the humor lies. 

I don’t have a good way of wrapping this up, so I’m going to punt and answer the Xanga Featured Question, which is:

“If you had a magic key, what would it open?”–submitted by zisixi

I don’t get it.  Seriously, what does that mean? 

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