And in general, they’re saying to Mitt Romney, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Except in the South.  In the South they’re saying, “Go to hell.”  I think they’re just jealous.  What do you think?

So unless some unforeseen miracle or tragedy occurs, Senator McCain is going to be the Republican nominee.  Am I ecstatic?  No.  But I can think of far worse things.  I’m still hoping against hope that he doesn’t pick Mike Huckabee as his running mate.  It’s really hard to ignore the mutual admiration society they’ve established.  Get a room, guys.  Seriously.  (I mean that in the figurative sense, of course.) 

I know a lot of Republicans would have a hard time voting for a McCain-Huckabee ticket.  As for me, there will be some hard-core nose-holding in November if I’m forced into that corner, but I’m tough.  I can do it.  I just gotta steel myself.  I might pass out at the ballot box and they’ll have to perform CPR on me, but I’ll survive.  Except what if it happens before I make it to the ballot box?  What if I pass out while I’m marking my mail-in ballot in the privacy of my own home?  Who will call 911?  My kids aren’t Red Cross certified.  Will this be the end of Madhousewife?  Note to self:  Don’t vote alone.

But seriously, what’s the worst that could happen?  The Democrats win.  Or alternatively, the Republicans win, John McCain says, “F— you” to the wrong damn conservative, who in turn shivs him at some random state dinner, and Mike Huckabee ends up running the country.  Okay, I’m hyperventilating.  Deep breaths.  Hee.  Hoo.  Hee.  Hoo.  Okay, I’m fine.  I’m fine now.  See?  Everything’s going to be just…great.

No, seriously, it’ll be fine.

So it was interesting that James Dobson issued a statement on Monday that if the Republican party nominates John McCain, he would be forced to forego voting for President in 2008, for conscience would not permit him to contribute to the election of either Sen. McCain or his Democratic opponent.  Huh.  I had no idea immigration and ANWR drilling were such important issues for Dr. Dobson.  Which reminds me:  Who Would Jesus Deport?  I’m just being snarky now.  I really need to stay on message.

I guess I just don’t understand people who think there’s no significant difference between John McCain and a Democrat (any Democrat).  I’m pretty sure no Democrat holds that opinion.  I dunno.  What do you think, Democratic readers?  Is John McCain just as good as a Democrat?  Will he do in a pinch?  If you accidentally punch the wrong chad in November, how upset will you be?  I’m just wondering. 

So what’s Ron Paul up to these days?  Mike Huckabee fights on because he wants to be Vice President.  Mitt Romney fights on because…he likes to spend money.  (Does anyone else find this odd behavior for a fiscal conservative with so much great business acumen?  No, Mad, just you.  Okay, just checking.)  Where is Ron Paul in all this?  I don’t hear much from him.  He came in second in Montana, third in North Dakota (impressive), third in Alaska (tied with McCain), and what do you know, he got 3% in Utah (better than Huckabee’s 2%, but not quite as good as McCain’s 5%–who says Mormons vote as a bloc?).  So this is good news, right?  I mean, if John McCain’s serious about building alliances, and he wants to woo those anti-war folks who live in sparsely populated states, he should consider Mr. Paul as a running mate, too.  Okay, I’m hyperventilating again.  Just kidding!  Like that would ever happen.  Let’s change the subject, shall we?

Oh, here’s another subject.  Elvis is throwing the hissy-fit from hell because I won’t take out his sister’s Barney video and put in Wallace & Gromit.  This is when I wish I had Wallace & Gromit on DVD so I could just have him watch it on the computer in the other room.  (Yes, rather than teach him that sometimes he has to wait his damn turn.  I wish you could hear the screaming.  You certainly can’t hear Barney over the screaming.  Maybe that’s a good thing.)  Then again, if I had Wallace & Gromit on DVD, it would probably be scratched up beyond recognition by now, and hence unwatchable anyway.  So whatever.  Did I mention the screaming?  And no, he hasn’t been screaming this whole time I’ve been typing this.  It just started after I finished the previous paragraph, and most of this paragraph has been typed with one hand.  And now he’s calming down.  “Popcorn!  Banana!  Mustard!  Chicken nuggets!”  No Jesus or salami today.