I’ve been out of the loop for a while, what with tap dancing and party planning and all manner of needless distraction, so I’m just now getting back into the news of the world.  Oh, okay, not the world, just my own country.  I’ll get back to the world tomorrow.  What’s the hurry?  The world’s problems will always be with us.  Sensationalized American news stories only stay relevant for so long. 

Tempest-in-a-teapot stories have the shortest shelf lives, so I’ll start there.  I’ve been reading about this remark that Barack Obama made at a fundraiser a little over a week ago:

But the truth is, is that, our challenge is to get people persuaded that we can make progress when there’s not evidence of that in their daily lives. You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. So it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

Now, that’s offensive on a couple different levels, but not something I would have considered noteworthy, were it not for the fact that Hillary Clinton responded by calling Obama’s remarks “elitist.”  Excuse me for just a minute.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, sorry about that, couldn’t be helped.  Seriously, Hil?  Seriously?  I mean, I expect this sort of commentary from right-wingers, who are quick to take umbrage at lefties calling folks racist gun-nut Jesus freaks just because they don’t always vote their pocketbooks the way they should.  But are you really trying to tell me that you yourself don’t personally subscribe to every word of Obama’s ill-considered characterization of Pennsylvanians who aren’t buying what he’s selling? 

Oh, sure, you’d be smart enough not to say anything until after you lost the primary.  True, true, there’s a lot to be said for timely elitism as opposed to premature elitism.  But still.  Seriously?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ah, that’s a good one.

 


 

Speaking of Hillary and her famous non-elitism, I wish she’d stop dropping the g‘s from her -ing verbs whenever she gets in front of an audience she suspects is less educated than she is.  Her husband can get away with that that.  He’s from Arkansas.  George W. Bush can get away with it, too, because he talks like an uncultured rube in front of everyone.  Hillary, on the other hand, needs to just stop it. right. now. because it’s getting on my nerves.  Seriously–no, really, seriously serious this time, no laughing–it is not even remotely endearing because it is so obviously phony and condescending.  As Obama might say, you’re likeable enough, Hillary.  Just be yourself and don’t try so hard. 

I said, no laughing!

 


 

This one is a little musty, but in the interest of bipartisan sniping, I am also going to condemn my fellow right-wing nutjobs for commenting on Obama’s recent remarks about the importance of sex education.  Speaking of his own daughters, ages 9 and 6, he said, “I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby.”  He also said he wouldn’t want them punished with a sexually transmitted disease.  So naturally social conservatives jumped on this and said it demonstrates that Obama must think the following:

Baby = Punishment

Baby = STD

And then they said it was understandable, given that Obama has something like a 100 rating from NARAL.  If he favors abortion, of course he thinks babies are punishments!  They’re like STD’s! 

Okay, number one, that’s stupid.

Number two, just drop the “every child is a blessing no matter what circumstances he or she is born under” business because I don’t hear this kind of rhetoric when the subject is how much out-of-wedlock births hurt our society. 

Number three, Obama may be “articulate” and “clean,” but he’s still a mortal man.  Honest people should concede that this was just an imperfect way of saying, “Having a baby when you’re a teenager tends to screw up your life.”  Is it a death sentence?  Is it the end of the world?  No, but it’s still not every father’s dream for his little girl.  Nor is an STD, for that matter.  So let’s just drop this and focus on him being an elitist.  Hillary needs our help.

Well, that’s it for today.  I’ve got some lunch to make and some babies to be punished by.  Catch you crazy kids later.

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