So I’m back from my August vacation.  I would tell you about it, but I’m too lazy.  But I know you all have missed me something fierce.  (Haven’t you?)  And so, at my sister’s instigation, I have brought sexy back in the form of Wacky Search Terms:

natchural nude girl – Not just au naturel, NATCHURAL.  That’s extra-natural to you and me.

mormon potato buds – I thought this might be a food storage question, but then I got this awesome idea for a craft night.

fish net pants costume vampire – Fish net pants?  Fish net pants???

lego pathetic costume – Pathetic costume made of Legos?  Lego looking pathetic?  “Leggo my pathetic costume”?

black children smeared with vaseline – Wha…?

after airplay no packets received – Hey, I didn’t receive any packets, either.  Where are my packets?  I want my packets!

my boyfriend treats me like crap – You should leave him.  Next!

skipper undergarment – Like, for Barbie’s friend?  Or Gilligan’s?

i look like a blow up doll – Wow.  That’s…something.

sexy rooster – Uh huh!

sexuall words and meansings – This reminds me, I need to do another post on the relationship between good spelling and getting lucky.

orange tree, giraffe, monkey equality – A giraffe is to a monkey is to an orange tree–why can’t all three live in harmony?

popsicles meaning – I don’t get it.

panty remover – What, do they make machines for this now?

swimming pool larva – EEEWWWWW!!!!

mormon autism giraffe blog – I hope this person was looking for me.  Otherwise, I’m freaked out.

mormon feminist swimsuit – I’ve gotten many searches for “mormon swimsuit” and “mormon feminist,” but this is my first for “mormon feminist swimsuit.”  Huzzah!  What does a Mormon feminist swimsuit look like?  I’m guessing a strapless bikini.  With a thong.

nurture fear harvest obedience – My parenting philosophy in a nutshell.  Oh, wait.

“withhold sex from them” – I have no idea what they’re talking about.

hoity toity lady costumes – I just like that they said “hoity toity.”

how do you spell giraph – Not like that.

fetish who interested in to see lactation – Sorry, buddy, no pictures here.

“sit on his wife” – Maybe because she withheld sex from him?

dishwasher i am a giraffe – I AM NOT A DISHWASHER!  I AM A GIRAFFE!

wooden potty chair plans – What is the wooden potty chair planning?  I’m sure it’s up to no good.

drunk pregnant movies – What the…?

size and shape of giraffe feces or poop – Sometimes Google scares me.

watching mom put on her sheer pantyhose – I’m sure Freud would have a theory about this.

today im one with giraffe – And I am one with you.  You and me and the monkey and orange tree.

sin to read backwards? – Sey naem I.  On.

i am flipping exhausted – Small world.  I’m freaking exhausted.  It’s a little different, but basically the same idea.

the bra in my swimsuit is too big – I was totally just thinking this yesterday!

meshuggah goy – Ah, I get so many searches for gefilte fish, but this is my first meshuggah goy!  It’s a proud day for your Giraffe.

do giraffe cry – Would that it were not so, my friend, but yes, they do.  Thank you for your concern.

what does beefcake mean in a man – Indeed.  What does that mean?

baptist kids jesus sheep giraffe – Whatever this person was looking for, I must find it.

naughty guy grab anime girl boobs – Again with the cartoon perverts.  I don’t understand this trend very well.

baby wash dummy dishwasher – Note to self:  Baby does not go in dishwasher.

And that’s it for today, folks.  I’ll have a real post for you tomorrow, maybe.  Maybe.

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