On Tuesday night I did something I swore I would not be doing this year–I listened to the presidential debate.  I know, weird.  Why would I do that?  Well, I had to clean the house, see, and my husband had taken all the kids out so that I could work unfettered by their fettering ways, and ordinarily I would just crank up the Nightwish or something, but for some reason I was in the mood for talking–or I guess, I was working upstairs and I don’t have any music players upstairs except for the Barbie Girl MP3 player that has Girlfriend’s Barney songs on it, and I thought I’d rather hear talking than Barney songs (not that I have anything against Barney, I just wasn’t in the mood), so I used my handy-dandy internet to find some talking stuff.  Usually I listen to Townhall radio so I can catch up on all the right-wing hate radio that I’ve missed over the last week or so, but then I realized that the debate was on, and I thought, “What the hey?  You know, why shouldn’t I listen to the debate?  Maybe it will give me something to blog about in the morning.  Like if John McCain makes a lame joke about nailing Jell-O to the wall or something.  That might be fun.”

Well, I was wrong.  It was totally not fun.  It wasn’t torture, either, but just a whole lot of eh-so-what.  (I’m going to shorten that to ESW.  Text all your friends.)  When my husband came home to find me listening to the debate I told myself I was not going to be listening to, he asked if anyone particular was winning, and I just shrugged my shoulders.  Seriously, I can never tell with this stuff.  Debating is not my forte, nor is judging debates.  I listen for what I want to hear, and if somebody says it, that person wins.  There’s my debate-judging.  As Sugar Daddy put it, it was just McCain being McCain and Obama being Obama.  Don’t we know these cats already?  They’ve only been running for President for the last two years.  Historically I have mocked the swing voter, but it strikes me just now that their election strategy is probably a lot wiser than mine:  don’t pay attention until the absolute last minute.  It’s brilliant, really.  I feel like such a chump now.

Also on Tuesday, one of my very good Democrat friends called me and asked for my opinion on Sarah Palin.  “I like her fine,” I said.  She wanted me to elaborate, but it was difficult because I knew that she already had an opinion on Sarah Palin and was hoping that I could make her feel better about my judgment and overall mental stability by assuring her that no, I really didn’t like Sarah Palin all that much, but the fact is, I like her fine.  Maybe because I haven’t watched any of her disastrous television appearances.  I only watch the Tina Fey re-enactments on Saturday Night Live.  Those are funny.  I imagine the originals are much less funny, so why should I watch them?  I think I pretty much get the gist of Sarah Palin’s shortcomings, and I’ve been entertained in the process.  Everyone wins!  And by “everyone,” of course I mean me.

So in this same conversation, my Democrat friend said that she is planning to leave the country if John McCain wins the election.  I said that I didn’t believe her, but she assured me it was true; she already had a couple destinations in mind.  I told her to make sure it was someplace I wouldn’t mind visiting.  Not that I expect her to have to move.  I have no idea who’s going to win the election.  I personally would hate to have my living situation resting on something so precarious, but I guess that’s why I vote Republican.  Anyway, she never did tell me where she was planning to go.  Hm.  Maybe she doesn’t want me to visit her.  No, probably she’s just using emotional blackmail to get me to vote for Obama.  That’s okay.  I’m sure we’ll laugh about it come November when we’re both still living in the United States.

In other news, despite the fact that I am down with a nasty head cold, SD and I got out last night to see An American Carol.  Just on principle, since we couldn’t call ourselves right-wing extremists without seeing it.  Anyway, I went into this movie with relatively low expectations–the last movie I saw with Gary Coleman was a disappointment–but I’d call it a solid two-and-a-half star flick.  Better than a kick in the head.  Not as funny as Airplane!–though I’m not sure I can trust my recollection of how funny Airplane! really was, since the last time I saw it was probably 20 years ago.  Whatever–An American Carol plays like its script never got past the first couple rough drafts.

One expects a David Zucker film to make no sense, and there An American Carol does not disappoint.  It made no freaking sense.  And it was funny in many places.  The problem was not a lack of funny.  It was that in a movie like this, where jokes are vastly more important than plot, the jokes have to come so fast and furious that you don’t have time to notice all the ones that don’t work.  An American Carol has, by Zucker standards, a couple long stretches of not-so-funniness.  Not “this is unfunny because it’s offensive.”  No, the offensive stuff is funny.  The stuff that isn’t funny is just…not really that funny.  One gets the sense that Zucker wrote and filmed those scenes whilst suffering from a nasty head cold and that he chalked up the comedic ineffectuality to sinus congestion.  Sorry, this is film criticism imitating life.

Perhaps the most enjoyable aspect of this movie is watching all the Hollywood Republican make their appearances..  Dennis Hopper and James Woods have funny bits.  Kelsey Grammer is pretty brilliant as the ghost of George S. Patton.  Maybe I only thought so because I’m so fond of Kelsey Grammer.  The performances in general were very good.  The cat who played JFK was good.  Leslie Nielsen, of course, is Leslie Nielsen.  Can Zucker even make a movie without Leslie Nielsen?

One particularly irritating thing, though, was the recurring joke which involved elementary-school-aged children uttering vulgarities.  That sort of thing is only funny once, if that.  It’s never funny several times.

Bottom line:  Should you see it?  Well, if you think people getting hit in the head repeatedly is funny, yes.  If you’re a Democrat, no.  Just kidding.  I think that was a joke, but I’m not sure even I got it.  I do have a nasty head cold.  This blog would probably benefit from a few revisions, but I’m on a deadline, and I’m tired.

Gentle readers, adieu.

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