My niece recently found out that she’s been accepted to BYU (Utah).  We are very proud of her because BYU is quite a competitive school, since so many college-age Mormons want to go there.  (Also, their parents want them to go there because the tuition is so freaking cheap.)  That’s why they had to make a BYU-Idaho.  They already had a BYU-Hawaii, but a surprisingly low number of college-age Mormons want to go to BYU-Hawaii.  (Perhaps their parents don’t want them to go there because the plane tickets are so freaking un-cheap.)  Anyway, as I was saying, we’re proud of her, but Sugar Daddy has been teasing her that she’s going to be married within a year because that’s what so many BYU co-eds do.  Enough to make a stereotype, anyway.  And yes, SD is obnoxious like that.

Anyway, Princess Zurg heard us talking about it and asked why Cousin K. would want to go to BYU because unfortunately BYU has historically gotten really bad press in the Madhousehold.  THIS IS NOT MY FAULT.  I didn’t go there because it wasn’t for me, but IT’S A FINE PLACE.  SD mostly likes to dis BYU–yes, I said “dis,” it just came out–because it’s so lousy for the sciences.  (Note to BYU science people:  DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER.  I’M JUST TRYING TO TELL A STORY HERE.)  Anyway, SD was explaining to PZ that people who want to go into the sciences should not attend BYU, but for other stuff it’s okay.  (Trust me, that’s praise.  Technically.)

PZ asked, “What if I want to be an artist, or an actress?”  I was under the impression that BYU had a pretty good theater program (::shrug::), but SD could not confirm this. He did say that if PZ wanted to major in art without drawing pictures of naked people, BYU was probably her only option.  PZ is very distressed about the prospect of having to draw naked people.  Yes, I know, that’s such a sad commentary, why does our culture have to sexualize everything, blah blah blah blah blah–she’s ten, okay?  And yes, apparently they hand out art degrees at BYU to people who have never had to sketch from a nude model because good Mormons are never naked and don’t see anyone else naked.  Shut up, THAT’S OUR STORY AND WE’RE STICKING TO IT.  (I’m really into the all-caps today.)  Interesting aside:  a woman in our ward was a life-drawing model at BYU.  She wore a bathing suit.  Pretty racy!  Anyway, reminding PZ about the whole artistic-nude thing just upset her.

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PZ:  Why do I have to draw people naked?  I’m just embarrassed by that kind of thing!

SD:  Well, you think that now, but you might change your mind later.  I bet by the time you’re in college, you’ll just be drawing people naked all the time.  You’ll probably be asking your roommate if you can sketch her in the shower.

PZ (rolling eyes very, very far back into her head):  I will not!

SD:  You never know.  You might like it.  They have a whole class that’s just Drawing The Butt.

Mad:  [inserts an official objection to this line of teasing whilst laughing her head off]

PZ (gets extremely dumbfounded look on her face):  Do they really have a class called “Drawing The Butt”?

SD:  Oh, yeah.  The first week they have a skinny one, then the next week they have a fat one, then a dirty one–

PZ (laughing):  Then a clean one?

Mad (laughing):  I don’t like where this has gone at all.

SD (laughing):  Then the last week is just a butt with a big scar on it.  Or a tattoo.

Mister Bubby (suddenly entering the conversation):  Then one with Desitin on it!

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Yeah, that’s how our family spent Monday evening.  Then we had cookies!

Several minutes later, MB started shouting out more suggestions for butt-drawing models:

“One with goldish crackers glued to it!”

“One that’s lit up!”

“One that’s on fire!”

“One with a fork stuck in it!” (PZ’s contribution, an homage to the climactic scene in Corpse Bride)

“One that’s been run over by a dump truck!”

So long story short, maybe we’ve convinced PZ that nudity can be artistic, or maybe we’ve fixed it so she’ll never be able to keep a straight face in art class again.  Speaking of which, we find out the results of the arts and communication magnet option lottery this week.  I’d ask you to keep your fingers crossed, but since they held the lottery ten days ago, that would be kind of pointless. Unless you have magic fingers that can change the contents of that envelope that’s currently en route, in which case I’ll have to ask you to keep them crossed, or doing whatever it is magic fingers do.

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