I used to write quite a few blogs wherein I quoted funny stuff that my family members said.  I don’t do that as much anymore.  It isn’t because my family members aren’t funny, though.  It’s that my memory is going, and I just can’t remember the stuff they say long enough to write it down.  I’m really worried about my memory lately.  Last night I got up from the dinner table several times to get something, but two seconds after standing up, I couldn’t remember what I stood up for.  That kind of thing happens to me all the time now.  I know I’m getting old, but I’m not that old (regardless of what my husband tells you).  I’m even taking my fish oil.  Well, not every day.  I forget!  What am I supposed to do about that?

The other day Sugar Daddy thanked me for supporting him as a heterosexual man, “except for the hookers and stuff.”  I don’t remember the context of that conversation.  No, wait a minute.  I do.  But it’s actually funnier without context, so I’ll let it stand.

Mister Bubby said something funny the other day, but I can’t remember that one for the life of me.  All I know is that we were in the car at the time. Being in the car isn’t very funny all by itself.  Stupid fish oil.

Elvis still doesn’t talk much, so he doesn’t say much that’s funny.  He does some funny stuff, but you kind of have to be there.  Well, being there is part of it.  You also have to remember what exactly he did, which I don’t, so fat lotta good it does me to be there, eh?  I mean, if I can’t blog about my kids’ antics, what on earth am I staying at home for?  At this point it’s just that my mind is too feeble to get a real job.*

* I know that being a mom is a real job.  You don’t have to get all offended on my behalf.  You know who you should get offended on behalf of?  Old people with really bad memories.  We’ve got it tough, I tell you!

Speaking of Elvis, this riveting post just got interrupted so I could take him to the toilet.  With all the moaning and hand-wringing I’ve done over the years re my children’s diaper addictions, you would think that I would be just too pleased as punch that Elvis was using the toilet to ever get annoyed by him using the toilet.  Well, I am just pleased as punch that Elvis is using the toilet, which is why it’s taken me so long to tell you that the kid simply refuses to go potty without an audience.  You know how some people can’t pee if anyone else is around?  I don’t think Elvis can pee unless someone else is around.  And you can’t just be in the general vicinity.  I’ve tried that.  No, you have to be right there in the doorway, watching him.  He will turn and make eye contact just to be sure that you’re giving his good deed sufficient attention.  At first it was tolerable, but after about three months of this several-times-a-day event, the novelty is beginning to wear off.  It’s starting to creep me out a little, actually.

I know what you’re thinking:  “A little?”  Dude, I’ve been changing diapers non-stop for almost eleven years.  Take your judgment somewhere else.

Also speaking of Elvis, his new pastime is playing with shaving cream.  They do it at school sometimes.  It’s a sensory thing.  Or, you know, a mess-making thing that they can write off as occupational therapy.  I dunno.  Who cares?  Anyway, he doesn’t play with his father’s shaving cream.  We take him to the dollar store and buy him cheap shaving cream, and then he comes home and sprays it all over the sidewalk.  Then he hoses down the sidewalk.  It’s his special treat, and cheaper than McDonalds.  I’m sure that it probably kills salmon or something equally bad for the environment, but ask me if I care.  (Go ahead, ask me.  Oh, come on, I’m dying for you to ask me!  Okay, never mind.  Some other time.)  Anyway, lately he’s been writing letters with the shaving cream.  After he hoses the shaving cream off the sidewalk, the ghostly shadow of the letters remains.  If you didn’t know the whole story, you might think that we just had really intelligent slugs.  At least that’s what I thought the first time I saw the silvery alphabet trail.  (You know, before I remembered that Elvis had been out with the shaving cream earlier.)

Anyway, that’s all I got for now.  I think I’m going to lay off the blogging for a while.  I say that not because I really mean it, but because every time I say, “I’m going to lay off the blogging for a while,” I get a lot of good ideas and I have to start blogging again.  I don’t know if it’ll work since I’m being all intentional about it, but I figured it was worth a shot.

In the event that I receive no inspiration, I hope you all have a nice Easter or whatever holiday is coming up.

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