Pushing Girlfriend on the swing

Girlfriend:  Louder!  I want louder!

Giraffemom:  Do you mean “higher”?  You want to go higher?

GF:  No!  LOUDER!


Sugar Daddy, dreamer

SD:  I had a dream last night that Stedman had died.

Mad:  Stedman!

SD:  Yeah.

Mad:  Poor Oprah.

SD:  I actually think Oprah and Stedman aren’t together anymore.

Mad:  Yeah, well, I bet Oprah’s broken up over it, all the same.

SD:  Yeah.


Sugar Daddy’s fashion sense

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SD:  Come here, Mad, I want to show you the shirt I’m getting.

Mad (glancing at the computer screen, which is displaying a shirt with the slogan “Food is the Poop of the Future”):  No.  Just–no.

SD:  I can’t get it?

Mad:  No.

SD:  Why not?

Mad:  Because I said so.

Later…

SD:  So I can’t get a shirt that says “Food is the poop of the future”?

Mad:  That is correct.  You cannot.

SD:  But why not?

Mad:  Because you can’t.

The next day…

SD:  Did you have a good sleep, Mad?

Mad:  I feel like poop.  (Pause) I feel like the poop of the future.

SD:  You feel like food?

Mad:  I don’t know.  I think I just wanted to say “poop of the future.”

SD:  You have to let me get that shirt, then.  If I hear you say it one more time, I’m buying the shirt, because I won’t be married to a hypocrite.

Mad:  I’m not a hypocrite.

SD:  You are too.  You’ll say it, but you won’t let me wear it on my body.  That’s a hypocrite.

Mad (about to retort that he can buy his “Food is the Poop of the Future” shirt just as soon as she buys a shirt with the word vagina on it, when her eight-year-old son walks into the room):  Whatever.


Sugar Daddy offers gratuitous political commentary

SD:  Who are all these runners?  It’s like they’re having an amateur race or something.  They’re all in street clothes.

Mad:  Wouldn’t it be funny if it were just a coincidence?  If they all just individually decided to go for a run this morning?

SD:  Yeah.

Mad:  It’s a nice morning for a run.

SD:  Maybe they’re running from the economy.

Mad:  [Laughter]

SD:  I don’t even know what that means.

Mad:  Me either.  It sounded good, though.

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