* If I wrote an advice column, I would probably have to call it “You Are an Idiot!” or “What the Hell’s the Matter with You?!”
* I have a Facebook “friend” (a dear lady I know from church) who keeps posting videos and articles about how immunizations cause autism. Her status updates are about immunizations causing autism. I have already edited my settings so that I’m supposed to be seeing less of this person in my newsfeed, but it doesn’t seem to be making any difference. I keep telling myself that it’s not a big deal, nothing to take personally, just Sister So-and-so’s peculiar obsession, but two seconds ago she posted ANOTHER status update about injecting poison into our babies, and it just makes me want to scream. It does.
* I practiced self-restraint yesterday. I ate a donut, but it took me all day to do it. It wasn’t a very good donut, so I should be disappointed in myself that I felt obliged to eat it at all. The self-restraint, I should probably practice it a little harder.
* During the cold, rainy season, Elvis spent most of his waking hours running around outside, usually barefoot. I was constantly yelling at him to come back inside the house and to leave the door shut because it was freaking cold outside! and I didn’t want to go out there and chase after him! Come on, man! Yesterday it was, like, 80 degrees or something. Sunny, beautiful. What did Elvis want to do all day? Draw pictures and watch movies. HE NEVER WATCHES MOVIES. I CAN’T PAY HIM TO WATCH MOVIES. And yet he watched a movie yesterday, just because it was sunny, just to drive me crazy.
* Princess Zurg lost a tooth a while back–I’m thinking maybe ten days ago. I didn’t realize it at the time, but then at some point last week she said, “You know, I lost a tooth a few days ago and the Tooth Fairy still hasn’t come.”
“Really?” I said. “Well, maybe she didn’t know you’d lost a tooth. I mean, I didn’t even know you’d lost a tooth.”
(In my defense, there were younger children in the room at the time.)
Anyway, that was last week, and I’ve been meaning for the Tooth Fairy to pay a visit, but I just keep forgetting. I mean, she keeps forgetting. Or she’s on vacation. Once Mister Bubby lost a tooth and the Tooth Fairy didn’t come for four days, but it turned out she was just on vacation. I’m thinking the Tooth Fairy might be taking a sabbatical this time because ten days is a lot of down time for a fairy, tooth or otherwise. Maybe she’s at a tooth-collecting seminar. I dunno. Anyway, at this point you might be wondering why I haven’t yet had the “um…you know the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, right?” conversation with my eleven-year-old. You know, I keep meaning to, but the other day (in a completly unrelated conversation), PZ said to me that she felt like people were trying to take her innocence away from her. True story. So don’t judge me. Judge yourselves!
* Girlfriend has decided, as her older brother has, that it’s just too damn hot to wear a shirt these days.
* The other day I got a notice on my blog that the domain name “angryhomemaker.com” was still available. I’m not interested, but I thought I’d put it out there in case any of the rest of you are.