Princess Zurg:  J’Accuse!

“They play a lot of rock music that doesn’t really rock.  If something doesn’t rock, why do they even call it ‘rock’?  That’s just lying.”

Sugar Daddy has his suspicions

Sugar Daddy:  I’m beginning to suspect that the housekeepers don’t come at all.  That you’re just cleaning the house and pocketing the $200 a month and spending it on…

Mad:  Liquor?

SD:  Liquor.  And fast women.  Or is it loose women?

Mad:  Maybe it’s both.

Sugar Daddy waxes philosophical

SD:  One of the questions I’m going to ask God is why we have toes.

Mad:  I use my toes all the time.

SD:  Well, I guess you can use these two to pick things up, but that doesn’t explain why we have all these other ones that only move together.

Mad:  I still like having toes.

SD:  Well, yeah, but why can’t you move the second one all by itself?  And what’s with the big toe?  You’ve got this huge toe and then all these little ones.  It’s not like your thumb, which is basically the same size as the other fingers.

Mad:  And it’s not opposable like the thumb is.

SD:  That would be awesome, if it were.

Mister Bubby has medical insights

“I know why I had diarrhea this morning.  After throwing up so much, my body thinks my butt is my mouth.”

Yeah, you could have done without this one, couldn’t you?  As could have I.

Madhousewife out of context

“Is it disturbing when your wife returns home from a bar with a thick wad of singles?”

Princess Zurg is self-aware

“You might say…I’m a pineapple.  Because I seem rough on the outside, but inside I’m really very sweet.  I’m also like a sea urchin.  Because on the outside I’m prickly, but inside I’m soft.”