Sugar Daddy:  So they’re making a movie based on Milton Bradley’s Battleship.

Madhousewife (after mentally counting to 10):  Why?

SD:  [shrugs or otherwise vaguely indicates that it is a surprisingly stupid question on my part]

Mad:  How would they even do that?

SD:  They’re making a movie based on Candyland, too.

Mad:  Well, at least that makes some kind of sense.  I mean, it’s stupid, but at least there are characters to work with–

SD:  Stupid characters–“Queen Frostine.”  “Melty.”

Mad:  “Melty”?

SD:  Or whatever that guy’s name is.  “Gloppy”?

Mad (giggling uncontrollably):  “Melty”?

SD:  The thing about Battleship, though, is what’s the plot going to be?  “There are some ships out there–let’s randomly fire missiles and see if we can hit one!”

Mad:  “Oh, crap, we missed again!”

SD:  “Oh, good, we hit one–let’s fire another missile in the same general direction!”

Mad:  You know what would be awesome, though, is if at some point some character says, “You sunk my battleship!” and everyone in the theater would cheer.

SD:  I don’t get it.

Mad:  It would make more sense to make a movie based on Stratego.

SD:  They should make a movie based on Connect 4.  Or checkers.

Mad:  Right.

SD:  Checkers would be cool, because you could pan up on, say, Matt Damon going, “King me.”  And then another Matt Damon would jump on his back and he’d become a supersoldier.

Mad:  That would be cool.


SD:  I hope they make a movie based on Yahtzee.


Take my poll, suckahs!