Yesterday I applied for my passport because SD and I are going to Japan in April for his brother’s wedding.  I have been in denial that we are going in Japan because I don’t really want to go.  I know that sounds awful, and I would try to have a better attitude, but apparently I’m not finished being childish yet.

It really bothers me, because I like to think that I’m a reasonable person who doesn’t get upset about ridiculous things like going on an exotic vacation.  That’s like my step-mother complaining about her diamond earrings.  You want to slap me, don’t you?  I’d want to slap myself if I didn’t know it was me I’d be slapping.  I mean, if you put this scenario before me–“there’s this spoiled housewife whose husband is taking her to Japan in the spring, when the cherry blossoms are in bloom, and she doesn’t want to go because it’s ‘inconvenient’ and she doesn’t like Japanese food”–I’d say, “That person needs to be slapped.  Why does her poor husband put up with her?”  But that’s assuming you’d changed the names and everything, or I’d recognize myself for sure.

You don’t have to sell me on Japan, because I know several people who have been there and loved it, and I understand that it’s wonderful, blah blah blah blah blah, I don’t care.  The awesomeness of Japan is not the issue.  I accept the awesomeness of Japan in theory.  I’m sure that once I get there, I will have a rip-snortin’ good time and not be able to believe that I was ever reluctant to travel there.  Maybe I will even slap myself at that time.  I’m not ruling it out.  It’s just this:

1.  We were going to go to Paris.

2.  Or Ireland.

3.  We have to leave the kids with the babysitter for nine days, which I’m not opposed to in theory. I’d prefer to leave them with family, but that’s not a possibility under these circumstances (middle of the school year, family far away, aged grandparents).  I do trust our babysitter–she’s a responsible adult–but something about leaving her in charge of the kids for nine days is really not sitting well with me.  I’m afraid that the house will be in ruins when we get back and they will have eaten nothing but corn dogs and pizza for the last nine days and things will never go back to normal after that.  It’s irrational, I know, but it’s my fear.

4.  We’re going to miss Elvis’s birthday, which shouldn’t make me feel guilty, but it does.  I mean, I would feel more guilty about missing my brother-in-law’s wedding, but I didn’t say I was being mature or rational about this, did I?

5.  I don’t like Japanese food.  No offense to it, but the stuff that isn’t gross is boring.

6.  I’m really not much of a traveler in the first place, and even if we were going someplace that I’ve always wanted to go, I would be very nervous about going there.

So there it is.  Pretty weak, isn’t it?  Do you want to slap me yet?  I’m getting better.  After all, I applied for my passport.  I’m blogging about how immature and irrational I’m being, which is the first step toward recovery.  Any minute now I should start feeling good about the whole trip.  So don’t worry about me (not that you were).  And please don’t tell me how you’ve been to Japan and it’s wonderful and I’m going to have a terrific time because I really don’t need the hard sell on Japan.  I just need to be slapped.  Go ahead, cyber-slap me.*

*Unless you’re my husband, in which case you should a) not slap me and b) say nothing.

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