Up until this morning, everything I knew about Lady Gaga I learned from reading Go Fug Yourself.  I wasn’t even sure what it was she supposedly did for a living besides walk around in crazy outfits.  She seemed to be one of those people who everyone knows about but nobody actually likes.  But recently I started seeing comments on blogs from people who were actual Lady Gaga fans.  So this morning when I happened across a link to her Christmas song, I thought, “What the hey, I’ll just see what this Lady Gaga thing is all about.”



That’s the last time I do anything like that.

I took Girlfriend to McDonald’s for lunch yesterday while the housekeepers were here.  (Doorbell rings.  Girlfriend:  “Mommy!  It’s the housekeepers!  They’re here to help us!”)  McDonald’s had Christmas music piped into the play area.  Not Lady Gaga’s Christmas song, THANK GOD, but other Christmas music.  I happen to love Christmas music, actually.  Correction:  I love GOOD Christmas music.  I am not a fan of bad Christmas music, for sure, but I have a pronounced antipathy toward mediocre Christmas music as well.  Why listen to mediocre Christmas music when there’s so much good Christmas music to listen to?  Why listen to mediocre Christmas music when there’s ANY good Christmas music to listen to?  More specifically, why must I personally be forced to listen to mediocre Christmas music?  It makes me feel all Grinchy.

I’m a little old-fashioned about Christmas music.  It annoys me when people with recording contracts think that automatically entitles them to record Christmas songs.  They are mistaken.  But what’s more annoying is when people think that just because they’ve written some hit songs, they should try their hand(s) at writing Christmas songs.  BIG MISTAKE.  Not everyone can write a good Christmas song.  I’M TALKING TO YOU, BRYAN ADAMS.  (No offense to you.  You’re a very special person in other respects.)  Free advice to any songwriter who wonders if he or she has a good Christmas song in him or her:  PROBABLY NOT.  P.S.  You’re welcome.

Anyone else remember the old Saturday Night Live Weekend Update when Norm McDonald reported on Kenny G’s Christmas album?  (“Happy Birthday, Jesus!  Hope you like crap!”)

That might have been a little unfair.  Not to mention sacrilegious.  It was kind of funny, though.

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