This week I have been in a rather dull mood, and I say “dull” in the sense of apathetic, uninspired, lazy, bored, and boring.  Yesterday I set Girlfriend down in front of the TV and I lay on the couch and slept, not because I was especially tired, but because wakefulness was beginning to be painful.

If I am awake, I have to contemplate that Princess Zurg needs to participate in some spaghetti dinner/cake auction fundraiser for our church’s Girls’ Camp–assuming that my daughter wants to go, which she only kind of wants to, but “kind of” in my daughter’s case is about as close as one gets to enthusiasm for church activities, so it counts.  I guess.  PZ is going to Girls’ Camp because she’s going to be 12 and 12-year-old Mormon girls go to Girls’ Camp.  Which means that I somehow have to get her committed to contributing to this fundraising event in at least one of five different capacities, none of which excites her nearly as much as the prospect of going to Girls’ Camp (which, I remind you, she’s only “kind of” interested in).  Which means that I have to have the conversation where she commits to doing something, and then I have to see that she actually goes and does it.  I’m not sure why this is so daunting, unless it’s the fact that if it were up to me, I’d say, “Screw it, I don’t need this, she can stay home all summer,” because it’s not like sending her to camp is going to be some kind of vacation for us.  Because she is a “special needs” child, she’s not allowed to be at camp unless one of us is with her.  And here there are two options:

1)  I go with her and suffer through the experience of a) being at Girls’ Camp and b) feeling responsible for my daughter’s every mood swing throughout the day, every day for a week.

2)  I let Sugar Daddy go with her and suffer through the experience of a) hearing how sure he is that I would actually enjoy it and I really ought to go next year and b) owing him big-time because he took two days off work to be at Girls’ Camp with her because I was too disagreeable to do so.

I don’t believe that my parents have shown sufficient gratitude for the fact that I a) never went to Girls’ Camp and b) wasn’t diagnosed with a condition that would force them to accompany me everywhere I went.  On the other hand, I was kind of a pain in the neck in other ways, so I suppose we’ll call it even for now.

March 15 is a No School day, so all the kids will be home, and I am really not looking forward to that.  Does it seem to early to fret about such things?  Maybe, but then I guess it’s also too early to be fretting about the upcoming Spring Break, which is March 22-26.  Plus weekends!

The same Monday that school starts up again is the day SD and I go to Japan for nine days.  My husband is really looking forward to this trip.  He keeps asking me if I’m excited.  I wish he would stop.  I am not excited.  I accept intellectually that going to Japan is awesome, but emotionally I haven’t worked through the part where I don’t want to go.  My emotions have been excruciatingly stubborn on this point.  I didn’t ever want to go to Japan before, and a sudden opportunity to go there at great expense at a really inconvenient time just hasn’t resulted in the desired outcome, i.e. that I become very excited about it.  I wish it were different, believe me.  Positive feelings would come in real handy when it came time to do stuff like a) pay for it, b) pack for it, c) learn Japanese, and d) respond to my husband when he asks, “Are you excited?!?!”

Also, there is the fact that I am smart enough to know that as soon as I get back from Japan, I’m going to write a blog post about how awesome Japan was and how I totally want to go there again and how stupid anyone is who doesn’t want to go there.  Maybe I will even have learned to like sushi by then.  But in any case, all of this current lack of enthusiasm will be proved to be just me being petulant, and I will have to put up with the likes of all of you AND my husband saying, “And you didn’t even want to go!”  Only in my husband’s case it will be augmented by, “I’m never paying attention to anything you feel about anything ever again!”  Do you think this is what I want, gentle readers?  I assure you it is not.  And yet the emotions persist.

I would have expected myself to be a little better about learning the language.  Languages ordinarily interest me, at least a little bit.  But so far I have managed to learn no Japanese.  Or rather, as soon as I “learn” something, I forget all about it.  I used to have a very good memory.  That was how I came to be such a good student in foreign languages, despite the fact that my speaking and listening skills were crap.  At least I could remember stuff.  (And spell it–that counts for a lot in academia.)  As of this moment, all the Japanese I can remember is “Hai”=”Yes” and “desu”=”to be.”  “Konichiwa” means…something.  “Hello,” maybe?  “Thank you” is “Domo arigatou”, and I only remember that because of “Mr. Roboto.”

Semi-relevant aside:  Did I ever tell you that I had a Japanese roommate my senior year in college?  She was only friends with other foreign students (not Japanese, but Finnish) who all wanted to borrow my phone to call home.  But that’s nothing to do with anything.  She was a very sweet girl, and I wish I had had her teach me more Japanese before my brain atrophied.  End semi-relevant aside.

It doesn’t help matters that half of the words in our “Learn Conversational Japanese in 7 Days” book are just English words with a bunch of U’s thrown in and the L’s replaced with R’s–“milk” is something like “mikuru” and “fruit juice” is something like “furutsu jutsu”–which makes me think that they’re just messing with me.

So, to sum up:  The rest of March is comprised of a bunch of stuff that I don’t want to think about, and that is why I’d rather be in bed.

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