How’s this for some commentary on the lame and inconsequential? I like how everyone titters over Joe Biden saying the health insurance bill was a “big f***ing deal,” as if it’s some revelation that politicians sometimes swear and sometimes forget a mike is live, and sometimes those two phenomena converge. Are we all in the fourth grade? Anyway, he’s right about it being a big f***ing deal. It’s probably the most astute thing he’s said since taking office. Or ever.
I think I got on record early as considering Joe Biden a buffoon. I vaguely recall a time when it bothered me that he was such a buffoon, but I can assure you now that those days are well behind me. I’ve grown accustomed to Joe Biden’s buffoonery. It’s grown on me. I now find it endearing in ways I can’t properly explain. I also enjoy Pres. Obama’s condescending affection toward him. It gives me a warm feeling. It makes me feel safe, too, knowing that Mr. Obama will not be the target of any right-wing violence because who wants Joe Biden to be President of the United States? No one, that’s who.
But Vice-President is a job he was pretty much made for. It’s good to see him returning some unimportance to the office after Dick Cheney spent eight years cheapening it with his competent and effectual badassery.
Oh, say what you will about Dick Cheney, but you cannot question his badness, and I do not believe you will dare.
I was just thinking about the health insurance bill and reconciliation–and don’t worry, I’m totally over that, but I was just thinking about what would be a better way to decide these contentious matters of legislation, and that’s when it hit me: FISTFIGHT. (Pun unintended but so awesome, I wish I’d thought of it before I typed it.) I know what you’re thinking: “Madhousewife thinks every political dispute should be resolved via fistfight.” And you may be right about that, but is it my fault that it’s such a good idea?
Obviously, I have long been a proponent of fistfights to settle presidential races, but congressional brawling would take fistfight political challenge to the HNL. Can you imagine Jon Kyl duking it out with Harry Reid on the senate floor? Paul Ryan and Eric Cantor tag-teaming Steny Hoyer and Jim Clyburn in the House? That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t think any of the gentlemen would be willing to fight Nancy Pelosi because let’s face it, she’d probably kill them. But Jean Schmidt of Ohio might be willing to give it a go. Who knows? The first rule of Congressional Fight Club is nobody talks about Congressional Fight Club. We just air it on the C-SPAN. (New era of openness and transparency, per Pres. Obama’s request.)
As president of the senate, Joe Biden would of course be called upon to break any “ties,” and this is where it gets tricky. The reason “nobody messes with Joe” is that cat is so crazy stupid, there’s no telling what he’ll do. I know you think I only like the fistfights because Republicans are so aggressive and therefore have the natural advantage, but NO ONE EXPECTS JOE BIDEN. You just think about that.