A long time ago I was listening to Rush Limbaugh telling a story about how he was sitting in his limo or whatever in the parking lot of a grocery store, and he kept watching all these people coming up to get carts, and the first line they tried, the carts were stuck together, so they’d go get a cart from somewhere else.  He got so tired of everyone trying to get out a cart and giving up that he got out of his cart and unstuck the stuck-together carts.  People thought he was some kind of hero.  But his point was that he couldn’t believe that nobody even tried to unstick the carts themselves.  Had Americans really gotten this lazy?

And what is the point of this story?  Well, it’s just that every time I go to the grocery store, I find myself hoping that Rush Limbaugh is in the parking lot and will come unstick these grocery carts for me.  But it’s never happened.  Not even once.

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Girlfriend’s birthday party is on Saturday.  This Saturday, as in two days from now.  Am I even the least bit prepared?  Do I have any idea how we’re going to entertain 5+x four- and five-year-olds for two hours?  Well, we will be serving food.  And cake, which is sort of like food, too, but different.  What sort of party games would you recommend for children this age?  I need something that requires very little effort on my part.  I knew you could help me out, thanks!

And now it’s time for me to tell you my birthday party pet peeve:  The obligatory party favors.  I hate them.  I hate having to give them out, I hate receiving them.  They are nothing that I want.  Even my children only want them for about five minutes.  Sugar Daddy likes to give out goody bags stuffed with candy.  I always feel bad about doing that because not every parent appreciates their kid being pumped full of sugar and then sent home with more sugar.  I can’t imagine why not!  At the same time, I don’t like those goody bags that are stuffed full of those cheap toys.  Candy, at least, is consumable.  Eat it, get the sugar rush, slouch ever so nearer to obesity, and you’re done.  Those stupid toys are a lot harder to get rid of.  They’re such a waste of money and landfill space.  And they’re probably made by slave laborers in China.  I mean, I can deal with slave labor in China if they’re going to be making something worthwhile, but come on!

(No doubt OBL can tell stories of Podville goody bags filled with iPod Touches and gift cards for kiddy day spas.   I’m expecting nothing less, in fact.)

At the risk of making myself sound old:  In my day, we didn’t have things like goody bags.  If you got invited to a birthday party, you took a present, had a good time, went home empty-handed and you liked it! When did party favors become the norm?  Did I just hang out with a lower class of people during my childhood?

Anyway, I think I’m going to go with bubbles.  Lots of bubbles.  Bubbles are consumable, and if you spill them, they are consumed that much faster.  And you can recycle the bottles afterward, if you have recycling in your area.  Or you can throw them in the landfill.  What do I care?

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SD is back from California.  He brought back a respectable amount of family heirlooms to remember his grandmother by, and also two quarts of  Tommy’s chili that he froze and packed in his checked luggage.  So we have that to look forward to.

But not tonight because tonight he is taking Mister Bubby to a Blazers game, so once again I am unmotivated to make actual dinner.  We had hot dogs on Monday and pizza on Tuesday.  Last night I made lentil soup, which was eaten by Princess Zurg and Elvis and sort of by me–I really wanted a cheeseburger–but not by Girlfriend because Girlfriend is picky, and not by MB because MB has been sick.  (He’s better today–still out of school but now in the playing video games stage of the illness.  Will be well enough to spread germs at the basketball court tonight.)  So aside from the moral satisfaction, it hardly seemed worth it.  I don’t know what we’ll do for dinner tonight.  I’m thinking bubbles.  Lots of bubbles.  Oh, wait.

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I titled the post this way so you could have Tom Jones singing in your brain all day. You’re welcome! Happy Thursday, amigos.

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