I hate a lot of things, but against what my wrath is kindled this morning are those enormous souvenir drink “cups” (if a two-ft. long cylinder may be considered a cup) with the corresponding enormous straws that you get at the amusement park for $8 and offer you unlimited 99-cent refills throughout your stay.  I hate carrying them around the stupid park all day long, and I hate carting them home, and most of all, I hate continuing to own them and therefore having to store them once I do get home.  What the effing hell am I supposed to do with such monstrosities?  They do not fit in any cupboard.  There’s no appropriate storage place for straws as long as my CPS rap sheet.  They do not mesh at all with my non-amusement-park lifestyle.  They have no place in any civilized household.

But mine is not a civilized household, is it?  IS IT?