Princess Zurg has to write a persuasive essay for her Language Arts class. They just finished reading The Outsiders, and the essay topics they have to choose from are the following:
1. Is it better to be a Soc or a Greaser?
2. Is Cherrie a thoughtful girl or a major fake?
3. Is Dally a vicious criminal or a good friend?
PZ enjoyed the book, but she doesn’t want to write about any of these topics because she thinks they’re all stupid. I didn’t tell her this, but my initial thought was that they were all stupid topics, too, and I wouldn’t want to write about any of them, either. Of course, it’s been about 27 years (or so) since I read The Outsiders. I don’t remember much about Dally except Matt Dillon pounding his fist against the steering wheel and crying, “We’ll do it for Johnny! For Johnny.” Which may not actually have ever happened. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the movie version of The Outsiders, just the commercials for it. And I could be misremembering those commercials or confusing them with some whole other movie that also has Matt Dillon and/or a Johnny in it. I don’t know.
All I know is that books are a lot more enjoyable when you don’t have to write essays about them.
You know what scene from The Outsiders really sticks with me? The part where he throws up all that bologna because he smoked too many cigarettes on an empty stomach. That’s something I might could write an essay on 27 years later.
4. Does bologna go well with cigarettes, or is it just a recipe for disaster?
When I was young, bologna was very tasty. But I can’t stomach it anymore, and it’s not because I smoke too many cigarettes. I think it’s because I’ve eaten too many other things that taste better. Also, because I associate it with puking. And not just because of The Outsiders, but also because in David Letterman’s mom’s cookbook, there’s a recipe for Baloney Cups that Sugar Daddy has been threatening to make for the last ten years–basically, whenever he wants to nauseate me. See, you fry the slices of bologna until they curl, and then you fill the resulting “cups” with scrambled eggs. WHY OH WHY would anyone do that? (I must state for the record that much of Home Cookin’ with Dave’s Mom is comprised of perfectly tasty recipes that don’t involve bologna at all. But that’s neither here nor there.)
I’ve been having trouble lately thinking of food that I might want to eat. I’ve been eating a lot of cold cereal and peanut butter sandwiches. When my husband’s home, I eat dinner. When my husband’s not home, I feed the kids and skip dinner. I think the main reason I eat dinner when SD is home is that if I didn’t eat dinner, he might suspect that I’ve cooked something that isn’t worth eating. Similarly, I’ve been having trouble lately thinking of stuff I might want to write about. It’s the Princess Zurg disease. All the topics are stupid. I’m only blogging because if I stopped blogging, OBL would think I was giving all my bon mots to the devil Facebook, but it just isn’t true. I’m here to prove that there are no bon mots to give.