So it’s housekeeper day again. This week I have had braces put on my teeth and four teeth extracted. I have not been, as they say, 100 percent. Yesterday I had Princess Zurg’s IEP meeting, immediately followed by the Cub Scouts Blue and Gold Dinner. I did not have time to get the house fully prepared before I became so tired that I had to go to sleep. Guess what time the housekeeping team showed up today.

[Totally unnecessary pause so you can think about your answer]

8:30 a.m.! That is correct! NOW do you believe that they not only have a camera in my home but are actively trying to drive me crazy? It’s like they want me to give up. They don’t want me as a client anymore, but they’re too passive-aggressive to just drop me. They want me to surrender. WELL, I WILL NOT SURRENDER. Not until at least two weeks from now.

Girlfriend is still asleep in my bed, so they did not make my bed, but that’s okay. I can make my own bed. MAYBE I CAN CLEAN MY OWN DAMN HOUSE, BUT I WON’T GIVE THEM THE SATISFACTION! I WON’T!

Sorry for being so CAPSY today, but my teeth still hurt, and even though the Novocaine has certainly worn off, I am, for some reason, still drooling, and the drool is still tinged with blood. I still can’t chew. They served pizza at the Blue and Gold Dinner, and I tried to chew it with what’s left of my molars, but it just hurt more than it was worth. I did eat quite a bit of cake for dessert, though, as it pretty much just melted in my mouth. I went to the grocery store yesterday to get more milk, and as I walked through the aisles, I kept saying to myself, “I can’t eat that, I can’t eat that, I can’t eat that…” Has food ever looked more delicious than it does right now? I say unto you, NAY.

But two years from now my teeth are going to look AWESOME. And I will be able to chew better than I ever have in my life. That is what my orthodontist said. Also, I shall be very thin by then. I wonder if I will be rich, too.

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