I’ve been meaning to blog more regularly. Remember the beginning of April, when I was blogging every day, including weekends? Yeah, I know it only lasted, like, five days, but still. I WAS ON FIRE. I don’t know what happened, but I probably just got tired and stressed out, and oh crap, I just realized Princess Zurg is having her slumber party tomorrow night and I am so scared. I still don’t know what we’re going to do with those girls for 14-16 hours. I think one of us (probably me) is going to take them out to dinner and a movie and try to put off letting them in our house as long as possible. I already know that I’m going to be standing guard downstairs to put the kibosh on any carpet-trashing, 4 a.m. piano-pounding, or nakedness. My husband is also worried about the TV because it is new and expensive and therefore vulnerable. So I will need a nap Friday afternoon, if nothing else. I wonder how that will work out for me, being that Girlfriend has no school on Fridays. We’ll see.
Sugar Daddy has been spending the last couple days at home being sick, and he is cramping my style in a major way. Yeah, I know I don’t blog even when he’s not here, but that’s not the point. It makes me nervous when he’s home and it’s not the Sabbath–it’s like any minute he’s going to suggest that we clean out some closets. Like he did yesterday. Technically, those were kitchen cabinets and it was because the ants had invaded, but still. He’s supposed to be sick, and he should be in bed, not pointing out all the work I should have been doing while he’s been away. It is very easy to psychoanalyze me, isn’t me? I am clearly conflicted about my life role. On the one hand, I am incompetent, but on the other, I feel I was destined for greater things and resent any insinuation that I am really destined for a daily diet of household drudgery.
I stopped having children at just the right time because I now lump in mothering with household drudgery. I am letting Girlfriend watch too much television because it is easier than finding her a play date or playing with her myself (if you couldn’t guess the reason). She is delightful, but she is an attention addict. I have to ration what I give her, or she will consume me entirely, and I will just start resenting her. So you see, it is love that fuels my neglect. I want to keep our relationship fresh and exciting. I don’t want it to devolve into screaming and crying (that would be mostly on my part, not necessarily hers).
I hear my husband moving around upstairs. He’s going to come down and ask me if I’ve done x yet, and the answer is going to be no. No, I have not done x because no matter how much I do, I can never manage to do x, but it’s not because I don’t care–obviously, it’s not because I don’t care because I can’t even remember to refill my Valium prescription, let alone do whatever x thing you’re asking me about now, so just get off my back and go back to bed! I’m a little on edge this morning, if you can’t tell.
I’m experiencing this terrific writing slump that is manifesting itself in my blog neglect, among other things. Last night I was at the Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe, where I have one hour to write between the time I get there after tap class and the time it closes. Last night was also the last Wednesday of the month, and that’s the night the atheists gather for fun and fellowship and frappuccinos. Well, technically mochas, not frappuccinos, but frappuccinos was more alliterative, if inaccurate, and you can’t blame me for wanting to make it more poetic, can you? Only you can because these are atheists we’re talking about, and they deserve to be portrayed accurately because as they were saying (very loudly) last night, they don’t like when you just make crap up. Ordinarily I don’t mind sharing the space with the atheists because it’s a free country and I think their group is cute and all, and while they are always a lively bunch, ordinarily I can just tune them out the same way I tune out the voices I hear at church. (I have gotten so good, in fact, at tuning out church speakers that I do it automatically, even when I’m trying to listen. It’s spooky. But I digress.) Last night, however, I could not tune them out. I think it was because there were slightly fewer of them than normal, or maybe just fewer conversations going on at once, so instead of this vague background din, I could hear distinct sentences that made sense. That was very annoying and distracting, and I think I wrote maybe six original sentences, none of which were good, but that was all I could accomplish during the hour that I had with the “he couldn’t even prove that Jesus was a dude who was born” and “you can read Harry Potter and see prophecies fulfilled too” and OMG REALLY, CAN’T YOU JUST GO DOOR TO DOOR DURING THE DINNER HOUR OR SOMETHING? SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO DO A LITTLE “FREETHINKING” OF OUR OWN.
So that was a waste of time. But that’s sort of a theme in my life lately, so I guess it was fitting.
It looks as though I will not be celebrating ME between now and Mother’s Day. I am already three daily challenges behind. Or it will be three, as soon as I finish neglecting today’s daily challenge for the rest of the day. I really need to tidy up the place and encourage my daughter to engage in some non-screen activity. That will probably entail me engaging in some non-screen activity. So I must bid you gentle readers adieu. I hope you are enjoying your April. The year is just speeding by, isn’t it?