It’s really only one issue.  While I was in Chicago (see Obligatory Travelogue Part 4 or 5–link unavailable because post not written yet), I developed a taste for Red Mango frozen yogurt–just the original tart, plain yogurt–and it is literally all I have wanted to eat for the last two weeks.  Not that I haven’t tried eating other things.  Actually, I’ve successfully eaten other things–lots of other things, trying to take my mind off of how much I want to eat Red Mango frozen yogurt.  Because, you see, there is no Red Mango frozen yogurt in Portland.  Neither is there a Pinkberry, which I’ve heard is like Red Mango but which I have never actually tried.

There is a frozen yogurt store in a nearby shopping mall that supposedly is like Pinkberry, but when I was looking it up on the interwebs, I found all these reviews on Yelp saying stuff like their toppings were moldy and their health department license had expired and other unsavory things which may or may not be true, but there they were.  I have not yet been to that frozen yogurt store.  There is another frozen yogurt store that is equally close and offers a plain tart yogurt, but it is not as good as Red Mango.  Mind you, I’ll settle for it.  I have settled for it, in fact–repeatedly, as often as I can get out and do so safely.  Which is not three times a day, which is how often I’m supposed to eat.  Unfortunately.

Like I said, I have been eating other foods, but none of them is what I want.  I put these other foods in my mouth…I chew, I swallow…but in my mind I’m going, “Feh!  Bleah!  Phooey!  This is NOT what I want!”

The nearest Red Mango is in Seattle.  In fact, the Seattle area has, like, four or five Red Mangos.  Maybe six, I don’t know, my eyes were bleary with envy!  Yes, you read it that correctly–I actually envied people in Seattle.  I’m not proud of it, but I’m hungry.  I can’t be held to my usual standards!