Madhousewife: I had really disturbing dreams last night. They make me want to fall back asleep so I can dream different things.
Sugar Daddy: I dreamed that I was at a public pool doing sports commentary with William Shatner.
Mad: See, why can’t I dream stuff like that?
SD: Well, it wasn’t that great. There was this other guy there, and he was mad at me because I kept throwing a foam football at the back of his head.
Mad: I dreamed that our son was Charlie Brown.
Mad: And he wanted to marry this woman with whom he’d had a child out of wedlock.
SD: Heh heh heh.
Mad: And the child was part rabbit.
Mad: You weren’t expecting that part, were you?
SD: That’s just messed up.
Would you care for a little politics? Don’t worry; it’s only a little, and it will be bi-partisan. I was listening to one of my talk show podcasts, and the host was citing some survey or poll or whatever that said conservatives are more likely than liberals to boycott celebrities (i.e. not watch their movies or their shows or buy their CD’s, etc.) because of political statements the celebrities make. Two things:
1) Not a lot of politically-outspoken conservative movie stars and rock stars out there to potentially offend liberals so much. It’s actually more likely to be a last-ditch, desperate plea for attention, becoming a Republican. I mean, that’s why I did it. I assume celebrities are the same way.
2) I often hear conservatives say that they are more tolerant of liberals than liberals are of conservatives. I haven’t done my research, but anecdotal evidence based on my years as a liberal and my years as a conservative tells me that this is a crapload of bull crap. This survey, perhaps, is further proof that my crap-radar still works right.
Here’s the part where I brag about how tolerant I am. I’m about as conservative as they come (these days), and Sean Penn is one of my favorite actors. Has been for more than 25 years. Despite the fact that Sean Penn is an asinine, sanctimonious [jackass] in real life. Please do not quote me out of context. When he is not acting, Sean Penn is neither smart nor watchable. As an actor, he’s a freaking genius. You know who else I like? Alec Baldwin. When he’s not talking politics or chewing out his 12-year-old daughter on the phone, he can be extraordinarily charming. Not to mention funny as crap. He’d have to, like, kill somebody before I stopped watching 30 Rock and laughing my freaking head off.
I’m trying to remember if I liked any loudmouth Republican celebrities when I was still a Democrat. … Actually, I’m still trying to come up with loudmouth Republican celebrities (who were Republicans when I was still a Democrat). … I dunno. I laughed at something Rush Limbaugh said once. But I wouldn’t listen to Rush Limbaugh’s show unless I was forced, so a) it doesn’t really count as liking a loudmouth Republican celebrity despite his loud-mouthedness and b) people like Rush Limbaugh (who are loudmouth conservatives for a living) aren’t really comparable to people like Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin (who are loudmouth liberals in their spare time), so again, it doesn’t really count. So you see what an unfair contest it is. There are just so many more opportunities for conservatives to be offended by loudmouth liberal celebrities. But conservatives can be just as intolerant as liberals. Some people just don’t see the humanity in the opposing side. Some people are just jerks.
And some people are, I guess, just kind of oblivious. I don’t know. I’m on the Facebook betimes, and I have several friends who post political stuff. I occasionally post political articles that I think are interesting or that amuse me. I try to keep political commentary to a minimum, however. I wonder if I’m successful. I don’t know. I’m very conscious of the fact that my friends are about half liberal and half conservative. That doesn’t sound right. I mean that half of my friends are liberal and half are conservative, not that they’re all half-and-half. That latter possibility probably didn’t occur to you, but when I thought the sentence aloud, that’s how it seemed to me. Anyway. I’m going to get all bad-social-science on you, so perhaps I should start a new paragraph.
I’ve noticed that my liberal friends are more likely to post about politics than my conservative friends are. And my liberal friends are way, way, way more likely to post extensive political commentary on the news than my conservative friends are. Obviously, this is just how my set of friends shakes out. I imagine it’s different for everyone. But I’m just telling you from the outset, this skews the data.
Anyway, I’m sometimes surprised by how vitriolic people can be toward their political opponents on the Facebook. I actually had to hide one of my friends updates because literally ALL he ever posted was diatribes on conservatives and the Republican party. I mean, I like to think I’m not a thin-skinned person, but if you can’t say anything without using the word “teabagger,” you lose me. It’s not like I un-friended him. I just don’t like to be reminded of tea-bagging every time I log on to the Facebook. Also, I don’t need to surround myself with haters, you know? So I hid him, along with the lady who only posts
crackpot controversial theories about what causes autism. I still like them as people, I just don’t want them forcing their crazysauce down my throat all the time. But I digress. My other friends remain unhidden, even though some of them post stuff that just seems really undiplomatic, as if they don’t have any friends of a different political persuasion than they are. I mean, obviously, people have different levels of tolerance. I’ve always thought that mine was pretty high, but apparently it’s still much lower than other people’s.
Incidentally, if you are my Facebook friend and wondering if you’ve ever offended me on the Facebook, don’t worry about it. If you did, I can’t remember, so it couldn’t have been that bad, but chances are it never happened in the first place.
Also, if you are my Facebook friend and were trying to offend me, YOU FAILED, JUST LIKE OBAMA’S POLICIES. Ha ha, just kidding. Let’s get back to the post, shall we?
Anyway, as I said earlier, my liberal friends do more of this than my conservative friends do, but I told you the data were skewed. To compensate for this, I will offer an anecdote about something a conservative friend did just today, which was re-post an anti-abortion essay that was not so much political as…what’s the word…the word eludes me. Distasteful, perhaps. I mean, abortion is a complex moral and political issue. It disturbs me when people over-simplify it, which…actually is what most people who talk about it publicly do. So. Whatever. I’m not going to discuss it further because then I will lose whatever semblance of light-heartedness is left in this post. You see, that is my point: Abortion is not something you bring up in casual conversation, and if Facebook isn’t casual conversation, I just don’t know what is. I mean, regardless of how you feel about abortion, why on earth would you bring it up in what surely has to be mixed company? Does anyone seriously not have any friends who might feel differently about abortion than they do? Do you know all of your friends’ feelings about abortion? Why would you lob a big abortion grenade on the Facebook? Why? I can’t relate!
Anyway, there it is. I want you to watch this deft segue, my friends. Do you remember when Fleetwood Mac performed at Bill Clinton’s inauguration? I remember that later, Stevie Nicks was on Letterman or something, and she said that she hadn’t even voted for Bill Clinton because she didn’t think he was old enough to be president. I mean, obviously, he was legally old enough–she didn’t appear to be disputing that point, but rather just implying that he maybe wasn’t mature enough to be president because he was still so young. Her age, in fact. And I thought at the time, “Someone is in denial about how old she is.”
Did you catch the deft segue? I am now talking about Stevie Nicks. Why? Because Elvis has been obsessed with this Stevie Nicks CD that came into our family’s possession through means I cannot recall. I mean, I like Stevie Nicks. I don’t claim to be a fan, exactly. I bought Bella Donna and The Wild Heart when I was a teenager. Does that make me a fair-weather fan? Some kind of poser? I don’t know. I just know that I didn’t buy this Stevie Nicks CD, which is The Other Side of the Mirror, and it would not have occurred to me to do so, which is why I was a) surprised to find it in my car and b) surprised that my eight-year-old son has taken so much to it. Anyway, we literally have to listen to this CD every single time Elvis is in the car. Elvis is with us in the car a lot. We have heard this CD a lot. As a result, these songs are running through my brain pretty much constantly. I was sort of indifferent to this CD when I first heard it. It was unfamiliar, so of course, being the old codger that I am, I didn’t enjoy it that much, but it wasn’t offensive to me. Then it started to annoy me because I was hearing it all the time. Then it started growing on me. I think it’s some piece of non-Western wisdom–I dunno, I heard it from John Cage, who was quoting somebody else–that says if you find something boring, you just need to spend more time with it, and eventually you will discover that it is not boring at all but actually quite interesting. I don’t know if that’s true of this Stevie Nicks CD–that it’s interesting–but it is growing on me.
I think this is my favorite song on the album–at first I was unimpressed, but now I think it kind of rocks. Stevie Nicks might say it rocks a little. (Only Stevie Nicks fans would understand that.) You know what would make it awesome, though? Heavy metal guitars. Can you hear it? I can.
This other song, though–I don’t know how I feel about it. I used to think it was stupid. But after listening to it about 487 times, I started thinking it might be good. I hear it now and when it starts out, I’m like, “Eh, it’s not good.” But then I think, “No, it is good. I like it.” And then I think, “Do I like it? Is that a clarinet? Is that a little Kenny G? (Is it actually Kenny G?) Is that okay?” And then I think, “Yes, it’s fine. I still like it.” And then it gets to about the last 40 seconds, and I think, “No. I don’t like this part. This ruins the whole song for me.” What do you think, gentle readers? (Incidentally, it’s a duet, and I went crazy trying to place the dude’s voice–we lost the CD case and the liner notes somewhere along the way–and I finally, just a couple days ago, looked it up on the internet. And I thought, “Of course! Why was that so difficult?” Do you know who it is, gentle readers? We’re just playing for fun here. No prizes.)