Sugar Daddy: Hey, do you want to go to lunch today?

Madhousewife: Sure. But right now I have to see if Mister Bubby has a clean shirt that doesn’t say, “Get porked at Billy’s.”


Mad: Here’s your lunch, MB.

Mister Bubby (turning so the lunch can be put in his backpack): Mom, I’m not one of those kids who goes, “I’m going to school, tra la la la la!” I’m one of those kids who carries everything in their backpack.

Mad: Okay.

MB: I don’t go around swinging my lunchbox and singing that song like an idiot. Or a fraud.

Mad: A fraud?

MB: Yeah. Those fakers.


Elvis: Do I have the days?

Mad: Huh? The days?

Elvis: On my underwear.

Mad: Oh. Uh…

Elvis: I don’t have the days.

Mad: No.

Elvis: I never had days in a long time.

Mad: No.

Elvis: Girls have days.

Mad: Yes.

Elvis (sadly): I can’t have the days.

Mad: No. I’m sorry.


Princess Zurg: The first Arthur book was about Arthur learning to accept his nose. But then society wouldn’t accept his nose, and so he got a nose job.

Mad: Yeah, what’s that about?

PZ: And look at him now!

Mad: It’s Michael Jackson-esque.


Mister Bubby: Mom, that was a Gran Turismo turn.

Mad: Was it?

MB: Yes. It was a turn worthy of Gran Turismo.

Mad: Oh. Thanks.

MB: You have to slow down sometimes, Mom.