So I fell down the stairs this morning. I actually do that a lot more often than I’d like to admit. Usually my rear end breaks my fall, which isn’t pleasant, but it’s a lot better than what I did today, which was break my fall with my left arm…sort of…backwards. Hard to explain. I don’t have any idea why I did it that way. All I know is that my left shoulder is still somewhat unhappy with me. It can join the club. Who isn’t unhappy with me these days? I’m unhappy with me. Yesterday I dropped my iPod in the toilet. Yeah, I know. My husband asked the same thing. It was freak accident, okay? Not like I regularly engage in risky activities that involve toilets. But sometimes things happen. Well, I have a birthday coming up. Maybe my husband will be so relieved to know what to give me that he won’t mind that he’s married to such a clumsy dork.

Well, let’s get real. If he minded, he probably would have said something by now.

Princess Zurg just asked when we’re going to work on her dress again. Remember my tale of the Impossible Dress? Well, we started working on it a couple weeks ago. Meaning we cut out some pattern pieces. We haven’t done anything else with them. I still haven’t figured out what the crap you do with fusible interfacing. And the whole sleeve thing…Lord, don’t ask. Sleeves. Bah!

If I could go back in time and change one thing–well, if it were only one thing, I’d stop myself from dropping the iPod in the toilet, but if it could be two things, I would learn how to sew properly, just in case I gave birth to a daughter who wanted to be a fashion designer someday.

Of course, I’m cynical to believe that if I had learned to sew properly, I would have given birth to a daughter who wanted to be an auto mechanic or something. Of course, if she wanted to be an auto mechanic, I would have no problem saying, “That’s a great dream, sweetheart. When you get to high school, you can take auto shop!” I wouldn’t feel the need to learn to take apart my own car and put it back together so I could give her free lessons. And yet that is the approach I’m taking with sewing because I feel guilty for never learning that particular womanly art. I learned just enough to pass eighth grade home economics, and then I promptly forgot all of it. More or less. Not that one sewing unit in eighth grade home ec would have been enough for this project PZ has bitten off and invited me to chew. (I use “invited” loosely here.) But whatever. I think I was about to blame the patriarchy for my problems, and I got sidetracked. Oh, well. I guess we’ll move on.

Do they even offer home ec in schools anymore? I don’t think they have it at PZ’s school.

You know what unit I remember best in eighth grade home ec? Laundry. Not kidding. I remember because at the time I thought, “Seriously?” I’d been doing laundry since I was six years old. Yes, I aced the laundry unit, gentle readers. But have I managed to pass that skill along to my children? No. My children know nothing about laundry. Well, Elvis knows a little because he likes using the machine. But the rest of them are ignoramuses. My children know very little about how to do anything. I am pretty much a failure in the passing-on-knowledge category.

So even if I had learned to sew in my younger days, would I be capable of passing on that knowledge? It doesn’t appear to be so. We tried to save money on piano lessons by having me teach the kids, and that just didn’t work out. I have no credibility with my children. They don’t believe a word I say.

And yet my daughter still expects me to teach her to sew. It is a puzzlement. Whatever. I guess the bottom line is that if I could go back in time and change one thing, I’d still choose the iPod.

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