Mister Bubby: You know what the iPad dictionary said under “honeybucket”?

Madhousewife: What?

MB: “A container for excrement; an outdoor toilet.”

Mad: Okay.

MB: But do you know what we thought it said?

Mad: What?

MB: “A container for excitement.”

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The birthday report

I know you’ve all been waiting with bated breath to find out what happened on my birthday after the shower and the cold cereal. Well! Elvis gave me some socks. (Nice socks. With citrus fruits on them. Pictures of citrus fruits, I mean. Not actual citrus fruits. That would be messy and impractical. But possibly effective for plantar warts, who knows?) Girlfriend gave me a shirt in her favorite colors. Princess Zurg bought me Jay Nordlinger’s Peace, They Say on Kindle. (PZ likes giving me e-books because she has me go through the motions of unwrapping a present that turns out to be an empty box with the following message inside: “Check your freaking e-mail!” Nothing says “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Birthday” like “Check your freaking e-mail!”) Sugar Daddy gave me an iPod touch. (It’s like he’s reading my diary!) And Mister Bubby gave me an iPod touch case that is green and shaped like a turtle. It’s soooooo cute!

The best part of my birthday was when MB turned to me at dinner and said, “Mom, you have much better decision-making skills than me.” He was talking mainly about my choice of restaurant, but I plan on taking the quote out of context for the next several years.

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As predicted, my children have more or less co-opted the iPod touch. Perhaps my biggest mistake was downloading the Netflix app, just because it was free. (You may or may not have noticed my weakness for free stuff.) Now Girlfriend and Elvis always want to watch Netflix on the iPod touch even when there’s a big-screen TV and a whole other computer free to watch it on. That’s just plain unhealthy. I should just take it off, since I certainly don’t want to watch Netflix on an iPod touch, but the whole reason I downloaded it (besides it being free) was that I thought maybe, in a million years, I might have my kids use it in some sort of electronic babysitter type of emergency, and I just know that as soon as I take it off, I’m going to have one of those. Not to mention the fact that I have raised the bar by having it there in the first place. Now they’re going to feel deprived if they can’t watch Netflix on the iPod touch.

We officially make me sick.

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I have a clogging performance this weekend. It’s the Rose Festival. I know, ooh la la. Today was our final practice. I think it’s going to be all right. I can tell I think it’s going to be all right because I’m much more worried about how I’m going to get downtown and whether or not it’s going to rain than I am about how well I’m going to dance. Maybe I’m just that much more neurotic about those things. At any rate, all I really have to do is not get sick between now and then. Oh crap, I just jinxed it. Never mind!

Clogging is a lot more fun with real clogging shoes.

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Yeah, there’s not much left to say here. SD is going to California this weekend to help his mother finish moving. Better him than me, I guess. It does mean that I’ll be teaching Sunday School to the 10-year-olds by myself. Hmmmmm…. I guess that is still better than helping someone move. I’ll be okay.

How are you gentle readers? Did you have a nice My Birthday? Big plans for Memorial Day? Amusing anecdotes about honeybuckets? (Note: I want only amusing anecdotes. No other kind.)

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