Madhousewife: Did you know that sperm from men with Ph.D.s costs more than regular sperm?

Princess Zurg: What? Why?

Mad: I don’t know, I guess people assume their kids will be smarter or something. But it’s a rip-off. Your dad has a Ph.D. and look at you kids.

PZ: Yeah.

Mad: Just kidding. I mean, you’re smart enough, but you’re not, like, geniuses or anything. Well, except for you.

PZ: Yeah, I’m kind of a genius.

Mad: But that was just luck.

PZ: Albert Einstein said everybody’s a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, the fish will spend its whole life believing it’s stupid.

Mad: How profound.

PZ: Yeah.

Mad: I don’t have a Ph.D., and I’m pretty smart. I mean, I’m not a genius or anything. But I won’t judge myself by my ability to climb a tree. Or my ability to swim, for that matter. I’m a little better at swimming than climbing a tree. Like, if I had to swim to save my life, I would probably make it, but if I had to climb a tree to save my life, I’d probably die.

PZ: I know what you mean.

Mad: I guess it would depend on the tree.

PZ: Yeah. Maybe if it were a really short tree. Like, if it were a tree stump.

Mad: Yeah, I could climb a tree stump.

PZ: All you’d have to do is step up and say, “Ta da! I climbed a tree!”

Mad: Even a fish could do that. If it flopped high enough.

PZ: Or if the tree stump were underwater. But that wouldn’t really be climbing. But at least he’d get to the top of the tree.

Mad: That’s what counts.

PZ: Yeah.