For the last several days I’ve been seeing stuff in my Facebook news feed about the Indiana religious-freedom law that discriminates against gay people or whatever, and I’m afraid I haven’t actually been reading anything about it because I just don’t care. It’s really hard for me to get agitated about this stuff one way or the other. All I can think is, “Why is it so important to you not to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple?” and “Why is it so important to you that a gay-hating bigot bake your wedding cake?” Yeah, I know, freedom of conscience blah blah equal protection blah. I understand the legal issues involved. I don’t understand the emotions. But my conscience has been slowly choking on its own apathy for the last four to sixteen years, so who cares what I don’t understand? It’s not like I’m going to stop anyone else from carrying.

But sometimes things get so stupid that I go from confused to angry. Like this story about the pizza restaurant that refuses to cater a gay wedding. Some Christian pizza parlor-owners in Indiana are happy about the new, horrible law that will protect them from having to provide pizzas for a gay wedding because they can’t in good conscience do that. Yes, I did start out confused. Three things:

1) Why do I know about this? Who asked for these Christian pizza-parlor-owners’ opinion on the law? Did they hold a press conference or something?

2) Do people often turn to local pizza parlors for their wedding catering needs? Is this a gay thing or an Indiana thing?

3) Who cares? WHO CARES?

This is one of the weirdest stories I’ve ever read. And people are getting all upset over it on the Facebook and the Twitter because bigotry and hate and whatnot, and it makes my head hurt to think of how anyone, gay or straight, could spare the energy to care about this. I can almost see how a religious baker might feel like baking a wedding cake for a gay couple could amount to endorsing the marriage. Almost. Not really. Not quite, because dude, do you really endorse the marriage of every other couple you bake a wedding cake for? Do you know that every couple who comes to you for a wedding cake isn’t brother and sister or secret bigamists? How do you feel about a marriage between a man and a woman who was born a man but had gender reassignment along the way? Is that kosher, and if so or if not, how do you know those people are not committing a chromosomal-ly gay marriage? Yes, I understand the legal issue and religious freedom, blah blah–I don’t care. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about you being a freaking baker, who bakes cakes. You don’t officiate anything. Sometimes a cake is just a cake. Actually, I think cake is always just cake. Yes, that is my position on the issue. It’s also my position, but more so, on pizza. Why on earth would you think to inform the public that you will not be providing pizza for gay weddings? WHO ORDERS PIZZA FOR THEIR WEDDING? HOW IS A PIZZA AN ENDORSEMENT OF A WEDDING?

The owners of the pizza place say they’d be happy to serve a gay couple who walked into their restaurant to eat a pizza, so obviously it’s not anti-gay bigotry that motivates them. This is what I don’t get, maybe because I’ve never worked in the pizza business, but do pizza parlors often work closely with wedding planners and send people over to the wedding venue to personally serve pizza to the guests, perhaps people in uniform with the logo of the pizza parlor on it so everyone knows that Gay-Loving Pizza provided this feast? Is that how we get to where pizza supports gay marriage? Because when I’ve wanted lots of pizza for an event, I’ve always called the store and arranged to pick it up or have it delivered without specifying what event I needed the pizza for. Do most people feel compelled to give their reasons for needing pizza on a particular day? Or do these pizza people make it a point to ask where their pizza is going to make sure no one eats it in celebration of something they don’t approve of?

On the flip side, if you’re getting gay-married, why do you care if these people won’t provide pizza for your wedding? Were you in fact planning on ordering pizza for your gay wedding? Why is your reaction not “whatever, dude, like I really want to eat your lousy pizza at my wedding”? I mean, true, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to type a lousy Yelp review decrying their bigotry, but why did they make this announcement in the first place if not for attention, and here you are giving it to them. How many gay-hating pizza-lovers would know to patronize this pizza parlor if not for all the flack they’re getting for not supporting gay marriage? I think that’s a weird demographic to go after, but I wasn’t a business major. I don’t know. I just see these people as not being a particular threat to the republic, even if they are weirdos. Not that disapproving of gay marriage makes them “weirdos.” They’re probably perfectly normal-seeming, except that most normal people don’t go around announcing that they’re limiting their business to everything that’s not a gay wedding. I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.

In short, I’m sick of the headlines about how horrible Indiana is and how horrible liberals are for not supporting religious freedom because NOW IT’S PIZZA WE’RE TALKING ABOUT. Is there no longer even a small corner of the world where we can sit peacefully and not think our way of life is being threatened because we don’t agree on politics?

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