It’s still in the correct location. I am still getting used to it. A couple weeks ago I got the okay to start chewing (a little bit) again. At next week’s check-up I will probably get the okay to do all manner of chewing (at least the kinds I feel like doing). So that’s the state of my jaw. It only hurts sometimes now. Most of the time I am just experiencing the mild discomfort of (what I’ve been assured is temporary) nerve damage. It feels different at different times of day. Sometimes it just feels numb. Other times it feels like when your face starts to wake up after a mega-dose of Novacaine. (That’s not a good feeling, by the way.) Sometimes it just itches. (Which is horrible because scratching does no good because I don’t have actual feeling there.) There is a small area on my chin that feels like someone pressing on a bruise (especially when someone is actually applying pressure to my chin, which is not visibly bruised but maybe is still invisibly bruised, who knows), or sometimes like there’s a huge zit living under my skin. (There could be, but after five weeks it hasn’t shown up yet.)

My lower lip and everything below that (on my face, not my whole body) is starting to be able to sense when something is touching it. Sometimes. Sometimes not. I’ve been told that this can take anywhere from two months to a year to heal. I hope it’s not a year because it’s super annoying. For one thing, it makes drinking from water fountains problematic. How often do I drink from water fountains? Well, before losing feeling in my lower lip, I would have said, “Not very often.” But it turns out that’s not true. Oh, well. There are worse things. Like not being able to eat anything! I can now eat many things, but still not as many as I’d like.

Except last night I got to eat all the things. It was the first time since the surgery that I actually felt overindulged. Sugar Daddy and I went to see Rush at the Moda Center, but before that we got dinner at Tilt, where I had the best hamburger I’ve had since getting the okay to eat hamburgers (I’ve eaten several since then, believe me) and possibly the best hamburger I’ve ever had, I don’t know. It was really good. And they had these awesome tater tots that were probably 1,600 calories each, but don’t worry, I only had, like, four. Plus pie. I’ve missed pie. A la mode. Plus a Coke Zero because I have to watch this girlish figure.

Just kidding. Well, I did lose weight while I was on my no-chewing diet, just as I’d hoped I would. And do you know what I discovered? I discovered that I’d rather be fat. Well, not fat, but ten, fifteen extra pounds? Sure, why not? IT’S SO MUCH BETTER THAN STARVING. I shouldn’t say I was starving because I had ample nutrients, unlike the people in the world who are actually starving. One shouldn’t make light of starvation. That’s another thing I learn while I was going without food.

I don’t really want to talk about my jaw or food anymore, at least not right now. I could tell you about the Rush concert. I must confess that I am but a Rush dilettante, not a connoisseur. But I thought it would be fun to go to their concert with SD, and I was not wrong because THEY WERE AWWWESOOOOME. It was one of the best concerts I’ve been to. It was also my first concert featuring pyrotechnics, so I’m probably officially middle-aged now. I don’t think I’d ever been to a concert that was in a big stadium like that, either. That was pretty crazy. Fortunately, we were close to a bathroom. Also fortunately, the audience was about 80% male, so the line for the ladies’ room wasn’t that long.

UNLIKE the line for the ladies’ room that I waited in (waited in line, not in the ladies’ room, though I suppose part of the time the line was in the actual ladies’ room, so I was waiting there too) at the county courthouse when I had jury duty yesterday. This was my first summons for jury duty since moving to Portland twelve years ago. I haven’t done jury duty since I started having kids because every time I got summoned I was breastfeeding someone. The last time I served was in Los Angeles county, shortly after I was married. I served another time before that, I think when I was 18 or 19. That time I actually served on a jury, which was interesting at the same time that it was boring. I was a little disappointed because the case was so stupid. Not even a drunk driving case, which was most of what went on in that courthouse at the time (probably still is). The defendant was accused of “challenge to fight in public.” Not actually fighting in public, mind you, but challenging someone to fight in public. How does a person come to be arrested for such a thing, you might ask? Well, it’s a long story, but suffice it to say we all agreed that it was lame and we ended up acquitting him because a) it was his word against another dude’s, and b) who cared?

I actually wouldn’t mind serving on a jury again, provided I could do so at my convenience. That’s the problem with jury duty. It never comes up when you have nothing better to do. It’s too bad you can’t volunteer for jury duty, like, “Hey, I’m free this week, howzabout I help you out with one of these trials you’ve got going?” It would certainly liven up my day. Which I think says a lot about my day. The day I’m usually having, that is. The day when I don’t absolutely need to be home by 4:30 so we can drive downtown and eat hamburgers and tater tots and pie a la mode before seeing Rush. As it turned out, I only had to be at the courthouse until 11 a.m. because they ran out of trials for us to be empaneled for. So that was a bonus. The bad news is I have nothing else to do this week but housework, of which there is a lot. I’d rather be at the courthouse. Doing courthouse work. Or not doing it and just reading a book, which was what I did.

I must say that I was impressed by the friendliness of the people working at the courthouse. Even the security people were friendly. It was not at all like being at the DMV. Of course, it is probably a different experience if you’re going to the courthouse to stand trial for something. But whatever. I was thinking yesterday that as poor as my social skills are, I could probably pass as friendly enough to work at the courthouse calling juror numbers and crap. But it’s probably a little late for me to get on that career track.

Just as it’s a little late for me to get on top of the housework again after a month off. I didn’t really take a month off, exactly. I took a couple weeks off, and then I started doing housework again, only I didn’t really start doing it in earnest because I was so tired and depressed all the time because of pain and hunger. I am still not back where I used to be in terms of housekeeping conscientiousness. I am in less pain and am less hungry, but I still get tired easily and also depressed because here is my life: housework. Yes, it is an existential crisis! See, this is what happens when you stop having real problems; you just go back to the stupid #FirstWorldProblems you had before the experience that should have permanently altered your attitude toward life but unfortunately didn’t. I guess this giraffe doesn’t change its spots.

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