Somewhere in the middle of writing that rambling screed on Saturday, I decided that I should try blogging every day, even if it’s stupid, just to get back into the habit of writing again. Well, I didn’t blog yesterday because I didn’t have time. I mean, I was kind of legitimately busy during most of my waking hours. But that’s just one day I’ve missed so far. See, it’s only Monday, and it’s still Monday, and here I am blogging. Even though it’s stupid. You know what’s really stupid? Trying to blog on your phone. I did that earlier because all the computers, including my own, had been taken over by the kids. Not recommended. Blogging on your phone, I mean. Also, letting the kids take your computer. I mean, it’s yours, dammit, you should be able to use it whenever you crapping well feel like it, am I right? Well, whatever. They’re all in bed now, and here I am, so let’s go forward.

Guess what I did today. You’ll never guess, so I’ll just tell you. I went to my first clogging practice since June. In olden times of yesteryear, our clogging group used to perform at the county fair, so we would meet through the summer until after the fair, at which time we would break until school started up again. So we’d be off for four or five weeks, depending on when Labor Day fell. But the last couple years we haven’t performed at the fair, and without an upcoming performance to practice for, continuing to meet during the summer seemed more inconvenient than necessary. Unfortunately, that means that instead of a four-to-five-week hiatus, we have a twelve-week hiatus. I always say I’m going to keep practicing during the hiatuses, so I stay in shape and don’t forget the routines, but do I ever do this? No. Never. Never! It’s just like with the housekeepers. I need a schedule, or I’m useless. I’m not all that useful even with a schedule, but without one I am totally useless.

I was counting on losing that pesky 10-15 pounds I’ve been carrying around for the last…I don’t remember how long it’s been, just that I was counting on losing it when I had my surgery and was forced to stop eating. Well, I did lose between 10 and 15 pounds while I was not eating. I lost all my energy and will to live, too, but at least I was thin! Just kidding. Well, I was, but my values aren’t that screwed up. Since I have been eating again, I’ve gained back all of the weight I lost, but I no longer care because you know what, screw it. I would rather carry around 10-15 extra pounds than live like I did during my recovery period. I’m just going to have to get used to the lumps, because there’s no way in hell I’m going on a diet now. AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I WILL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN.

This is only tangentially related to clogging, which, now that I am doing it again, I hope will retard the growth of my midsection. Well, I did it this morning for the first time in three months and holy crap, that was painful. About 10 minutes in I wanted to collapse and/or throw up, not necessarily in that order. I didn’t really think I’d been all that sedentary for the last…well, four to six weeks…but of course I had been. My body isn’t going to enjoy this transition from slug to caterpillar. (Yes, I know that slugs don’t normally transition into caterpillars; I was just trying to come up with an example of something that is slow almost to the point of being stationary and also an example of something that is not quite as slow but not exactly fast, either. The latter is my usual metaphor, at least nine months out of the year, with a little break during December.)

After clogging I went grocery shopping. You know, there was a time when I shopped at Target rather frequently. There’s one very close to our house, so it weren’t no thang to just pop on over when I ran out of soap or paper towels or whatever. The problem was that I couldn’t seem to shop there without spending less than $100, regardless of how recently I had just been there. So I decided I really should stop shopping at Target at all unless it was absolutely necessary. To the point where I would buy toilet paper at the grocery store rather than Target, even though it cost more at the grocery store but at least it didn’t cost $100 more. Let me tell you, it worked. The Target Visa bill went way down. However, I am noticing a disturbing new trend: I can’t seem to shop at the grocery store without spending at least $50 or $60. This wouldn’t be a problem if I weren’t shopping at a grocery store every 2-3 days. Sometimes I shop at a grocery store three days in a row and twice in one day. I just need stuff, okay? I forget to buy something and I have to go back.

I only plan meals a couple days at a time anymore because a) I’ve been having difficulty deciding what to make for dinner for the last, I dunno, eight years, and b) yeah, it’s actually just a). Never mind. I can’t decide what to make for dinner tonight, let alone the whole rest of the week, so no, I’m not going to plan out a week’s worth of meals and get my full week’s shopping done all at once. I will plan for one or two, maybe three days if I’m feeling super-ambitious, and I will shop for those particular meals…but also for stuff I can put in the kids’ lunches and stuff that’s on sale and stuff I’m pretty sure we’re out of and will probably need at some inconvenient time when no one can go to the store. On Saturday I went shopping at the WinCo, where I always spend more money because it’s the place where I can buy the cheapest groceries. You see what I did there? Irony! Anyway, on Saturday I went to WinCo to get the food I needed for Sunday, and only Sunday…but I also bought a crap-ton of rice pilaf because we’re always running low on the rice pilaf when we need the rice pilaf and can’t go to WinCo, where it is cheap. Of course, it isn’t that cheap when you buy it by the crap-ton. I mean, it is cheap, by the pound, but absolutely it is not a small expenditure, a crap-ton’s worth. So there was that. Also, some crackers because the kids are always eating all the crackers so there are none left when I want to eat crackers. Or maybe it was just bread. I might have bought the crackers earlier in the week, when I spent $150 and still didn’t know what I was eating for dinner beyond the next day. Whatever. It’s becoming not very cost-effective for me to go grocery shopping. The only problem is I don’t have an alternative venue for buying food. Target, maybe. There’s less of a selection there. BUT THEN THERE’S ALSO PAPER TOWELS AND GARBAGE BAGS AND OTHER THINGS THAT I ALMOST CERTAINLY WILL NEED IN THE FUTURE.

Also, lipstick. Occasionally I go on a lipstick-buying spree because I am still looking for the perfect shade. I’m not sure that it’s out there anymore. Maybe I should only buy lipstick at the 7-Eleven. (I don’t think they sell lipstick at the 7-Eleven, so that would certainly be more cost-effective. And before you say it, no, I don’t drink Slurpees.)

What else did I do today? A little bit of laundry, a little bit of dishes, drove some kids around, made dinner. Started writing this blog. You know, I take it back. You could have probably guessed this much.

 

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